Why Did it Have to be You?
by deathbysharpie
Summary: AU; SpainxRomano; Lovino's parents are tired of his horrible behavior, and hire Antonio to babysit him. But time is a cruel mistress, and in absence the heart grows fonder. These are just some of the things Antonio and Lovino will learn.
1. Prologue

Okay, first off, I just want to apologize for my recent inactivity. :\ School keeps me really busy, and around finals I wasn't even on deviantART at all. Either way, I plan on submitting a lot of Hetalia fics once I get some of my files back. (my comp crashed.) derp. Sooo, I'll explain more at the end but right now I be tired and mah grammar is vacationing in Fiji SO

Onward~

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"_Lovino, please come in here for a minute. We need to talk to you."_

_Lovino Vargas stood frozen in his entryway, the soles of his shoes becoming uncomfortably heavy on the pulsing balls of his feet. His heart dropped down to his stomach and a slight heat wave – perhaps partially from walking home in the sun – washed over him and he shakily dropped his messenger bag to the floor, trembling hands releasing the canvas strap as he swallowed thickly._

_His parents really only ever wanted to have serious talks when he was in trouble. What had he done, aside from the usual petty fights at school? They were used to those after all; Lovino got into little fights every week and his parents couldn't care less. He didn't have to deal with the consequences, so why should he care? He hadn't done anything particularly bad lately; his brain wracked frantically through his short term memory of the last few months, trying desperately to recall what exceedingly awful and obnoxious things he'd done recently that could have been the onset of what was ultimately going to be a stupid punishment. _

"_Lovino!" his father's voice rang out through the large and somewhat empty house with a both warning and authoritative tone._

_Lovino was jolted out of his daze and quickly snapped his spine straight, his palms turning clammy as he walked slowly and stiffly towards the ridiculously over furnished living room. He slumped over against the frame of the doorway when he entered the room, looking down at his feet and pouting. After a few moments of staring at his dirt-tinted and grass-stained tennis shoes and he had not yet been yelled at, Lovino looked up curiously and was more than a bit shocked by what he saw._

_His father's expression was more distracted than anything; he was not wearing his lecture face. He was seated on the edge of the polished coffee table, ready to jump up and run out the door for his next appointment or board meeting or executive dinner/lunch at any moment. Lovino's mother was as psychotic looking as ever, running to and fro while trying to hop dexterously into a polished black stiletto whilst simultaneously putting in an earring and digging through her $10,000 Chanel purse for God knows what. However, neither of these things were what put Lovino in such a stupor. It was the fact that standing next to his father was a guy a bit shorter than his father, wearing dark wash jeans, converse, a white v-neck t-shirt and a tan canvas jacket over it. The teenager had a dark skin tone and short locks of wavy dark brown hair with shaggy bangs, through which two emerald green eyes shone brightly. He was definitely older than Lovino, who was in 5__th__ grade at the time, but couldn't possibly be out of high school yet. _

_His eyes were wide with shock as he stared at the stranger standing in his home, and eventually they narrowed to a glare as suspicion bubbled up inside him. It wasn't like he wasn't used to seeing strangers in his home with his parents, but they tended to be just as old (if not older) than them and would often be dressed in expensive looking attire and have the overall air of a business person._

_Why in the world would this young man be in his home?_

_Lovino's mouth clamped shut and his death glare shifted briefly to his father, before smoldering chocolate eyes returned to the intruder._

"_Lovino, this is Antonio Carriedo. He is your new babysitter." His father said somewhat lethargically, gesturing to the green-eyed teenager who nodded respectfully and offered a friendly smile towards the confused-looking 4__th__ grader. _

_Lovino's eyes widened as the reality of the situation hit him._

"What?" _he spat, cocking an eyebrow as his face turned red from anger. "I don't need a _babysitter! _I'm not a _baby!_"_

_Lovino's father sighed, rolling his eyes as his mother stomped up to the boy and bent over so they were slightly at eye-level._

"_You are a child! And a horridly behaved one at that!" she squawked, wagging her finger in front of his face. "Don't think we haven't been receiving countless calls from your school about your mischievous behavior, young man! Lord only knows what you do when we're away at home!"_

"_We don't think you're old enough to be at home by yourself, especially with your current behavior. This is non-negotiable." His father cut in, giving him a cold stare as he stood up and brushed off the front of his suit gingerly. "Antonio will be here every day to keep you out of trouble. Listen to him or you'll face severe punishment, Lovino."_

"_W-what about Felici?" Lovino shouted desperately, his voice stammering from his rage. "He's only 5, and you don't make him have a babysitter!"_

"_Feliciano is in daycare, you know that. And this is not about your brother, it's about you!" his mother stated, her nose high as she went to stand next to his father._

_Lovino simply stood silent, his fists clenched at his sides and his small frame trembling with rage._

"_Your mother and I are going to a meeting. We won't be back until after you go to sleep. Try to behave yourself!" his father said exasperatedly, leaving Lovino behind as he and his wife left the room._

_Lovino stared blankly at his feet, listening for the resounding _click_ of the front door closing and the almost painful emptiness it left behind._

_But no…now, there was something else there._

_He turned his head slowly and threateningly to level a glare at the Spaniard, feeling a small bit of satisfaction as he visibly noted the teenager swallow a bit._

"_Hi Lovi! Sorry about the weird introduction…" Antonio started, walking towards the younger boy with a warm smile. "You can just call me Tonio, and-"_

"_Shut up." Lovino cut him off, stretching a small palm out so that the teenager could advance no further, his eyes sliding closed and his eyebrow twitching in irritation. "Don't think you're in charge here just because those big jerks said so! I do what I want. You can't make me clean my room, put my toys away, do my homework, eat dinner, take a bath, or go to bed! I do what I want, when I want! You understand, buddy?"_

_His eyes snapped open, and he deadpanned at the taller and slightly intimidating boy. To his horror, Antonio simply chuckled, crossing his arms._

"_I won't order you to do anything. But I think you and I should be friends. Why make it harder than it has to be?" he said genuinely, ruffling the smaller boy's hair._

_Lovino slapped his hand away, his face flushing angrily. _

"_Shut up! I'm going to go play videogames, so don't bother me, jerk!" he yelled, perhaps with more of a whining quality than he wished, and bounded up the stairs to escape to his room, leaving his slightly flustered babysitter standing in the living room._

_Antonio sighed and sat down gingerly on the edge of the expensive looking sofa, running a hand through his dark brown choppy hair._

"_Dios mío…" _

_~~.~~  
_

…And that would be the prologue. Basically, this is an AU fanfiction (Spain x South Italy) written from Lovino's perspective (I think; I might end up switching perspectives every other chapter or something; I don't like writing in omniscient a lot for larger fics. Lovino is the son of two wealthy business people (who's wealth is some what due to relatives with ties to the mafia, however I don't like a lot of tragedies and drama so this story will be relatively upbeat and dark-drama-free.) who hire Antonio to babysit Lovino.

Okay, so let's get this straight right now. I am not a pedophile. I'm not even introducing the relationship until Lovino is much older and no longer has Antonio as a babysitter; once they become friends. I do not want to see bullshit in the review section saying that the relationship is "sick and wrong" or anything like that. Don't think you're superior because you flame my story. **I will bitch your ass out.**Test me if you think I'm fucking lying. I can outwit a troll _easily._ The age difference is about 4 years. By the time the romantic relationship starts, it won't even matter.

Anyway, besides that feisty little threat right there, I really, REALLY encourage reviews, and although I do not appreciate being called a pedophile, I would love to hear BOTH compliments and critique. Please, as usual, point out any grammar/spelling mistakes. I try to keep my fics top grade! (: But really, reviews are my fuel to keep going, and now that I'm starting a longer fanfiction (should be 5 LONG chapters minimum; not counting the prologue) they should speed up the update process!

Also, for the first couple reviewers: Any side pairings you'd like to see? :D

3, Crizy


	2. Say Goodbye

OHGODIFAIL I'm so sorry for not updating There was Creation, then work, and then I went to California, for sure I am not lying to you guys. :I But I'm back and this chapter is full of past and finally at the end leads up to present day. (more or less.) Sorry for all the making fun of Feliciano I do in this chapter…I love the cutie, he's one of my favorite characters; he's just so easy to make fun of! :'D Btw, this chapter is set around four years later; Lovi is in 8th grade, Antonio is a senior, and Feliciano is in 3rd grade.

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Lovino swung the worn wooden door shut as he stepped into the cool, dark, interior of his home, wiping sweat from his brow and running a hand through his slightly sweat coated dark auburn hair. The delicious scent of tomatoes cooking down with familiar herbs filled his nostrils as he stepped forward, smiling as he recognized the scent of the unique food that Antonio always made.

Lovino dropped his bag on the floor and bounded towards the kitchen, a smile itching at his features. The wiry 8th grader had grown fond of the older teen, who was now, he remarked absently, an adult. He slowed down to a walk as he entered the aroma-filled room, taking in the sight of his former babysitter standing by the stove, whistling, and his younger brother Feliciano sitting on the floor, petting the family cat with vigor. Lovino sighed slightly, rolling his eyes and deciding to not even comment on his 'not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed' brother's actions.

"Hey, 'Tonio. I'm home." He called, sitting down at the kitchen table and stretching out his somewhat stiff joints. He hated walking home…

The Spaniard turned around, green eyes flashing cheerfully. "Oh, hey Lovi! I was just making a snack for you and Feli. I'm sorry I couldn't pick you up today, my car was in the shop."

"Oh yeah. You made me walk in the sun, jerk. I almost melted." Lovino grumbled teasingly, grinning toothily when Antonio looked over.

The Spaniard laughed in response, beaming brightly before turning back to the stove.

Over the course of three years, Lovino had eventually grown used to having Antonio in the house, and by now actually liked the older boy, enjoying the attention he gave him that he never really received from his parents. Antonio really was just like the big brother that he had always – but would never admit – wanted. Sure, he had Feliciano as his younger brother but…honestly, the boy was in third grade and it was clear now that he would _not _end up being the family rocket scientist; he was the kid that always petted the cat too hard.

Either way, he loved having Antonio around, even though he knew that he was old enough to not need a babysitter. Once he had gotten to around 7th grade, his parents agreed that since Antonio had done such a good job keeping Lovino in line, they might as well not get rid of him yet; they decided to hire him to take care of Feliciano, since the two brothers always fought. Lovino recalled once again that Antonio was 17, turning 18 in June. June was also when…he graduated. Lovino also knew that he planned to go off to college. It was a State University, so it wasn't incredibly far, but that wasn't the point.

Antonio had really managed to kick Lovino-the-angsty-elementary-schooler into shape over the past few years, and he was happy to finally have someone older than him whom he could respect, trust, and look up to. And that was why he happened to be inwardly brooding at the moment. He knew Antonio was almost an adult, hell; he'd probably want to get a real job. He'd want to get a life, and go to college, and get a girlfriend, and all those things that adults do when they betray old friends.

Lovino liked to think of himself as one on the same level with Antonio, who had never really treated him like a child, and had given him the respect he deserved. So honestly, even though his brother was the only thing keeping Antonio there, Lovino liked to think that they were friends at least, and therefore the thought that he might not get to hang out with his "older brother" anymore devastated him immensely. Antonio had really been the only one that Lovino had been able to open up too; he had seen him yell, scream, and cry, but not just because of his usual hissy-fits. (Although there were plenty of those.) Lovino had ranted to the teenager about the people he hated at school, how he was treated, and why he reacted the way he did…he ranted about how much he disliked his parents, how he wasn't crying for attention, but if would be nice if they paid an ounce of it to him every now and then, and not just to scold him. He ranted about how his brother was dumb as a rock, and much younger, but his parents saw them as equal when it came to maturity. And through all of this, Antonio sat patiently, offering non-patronizing comfort, advice, friendly smiles, and every now and then, a shoulder to cry on.

Lovino had affection for Antonio that he hadn't had with nearly anyone else; the older teenager had become a concrete part of his life that worked as a sort of filler to keep him together, and to keep him from collapsing in otherwise pent-up emotions. That was why, in all likelihood, he didn't want to think about Antonio leaving. He avoided the facts as much as he possibly could, but they kept popping up into his thoughts despite his best efforts, upsetting him and wearing him out.

The young teenager sighed absently, resting his chin on his palm and looking out the kitchen window at the sunny weather. It didn't faze him; what the sunlight could do outwardly had no effect on his current state of emotions. The light clanking sounds of the pots and pans on the stove and chirping of birds outside the window were only background noises as a storm was brooding in Lovino's head.

"Lovi? Are you alright?" he was shaken out of his stupor as a voice called out, and his brown eyes met bright, curious green ones evenly, disguised.

A fake smile cracked Lovino's lips as he wrung his hands together and slumped his back in a way that was supposed to look relaxed, but really was because of the young man's fatigue.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." He said with boredom, waving his hand dismissively.

"…alright."

Lovino inwardly sighed in relief at Antonio's acceptance, his chest collapsing in a crumpling manner as the older male turned around towards the stove, grabbing a plate and spooning a steaming mass of tomatoes, vegetables, rice and beans onto a plate.

"Food's ready."

Lovino padded down the stairs quietly, carefully, his socks threatening to slip against the polished wood of the staircase with ever step. Of course, the art of sneaking took much practice and expertise, and he possessed aforementioned qualities. His feet landed softly on the landing and he cautiously poked his head around the wall, noting that the living room light was on, and cursed under his breath as green eyes met his.

Antonio was collapsed on the couch in his usual "almost-dedicated-college-student" fashion, his tired eyes traveling from Lovino down to a lazily raised wrist bearing his watch.

"It's 12:04. You have to get up at 6, Lovi." He said warily, his eyes trailing back to the TV in a zombie-ish fashion.

"So do you." Lovino snorted, walking the rest of the way down the stairs, and going to sit on the couch across from Antonio.

Antonio's head rolled lazily to the side on the back of the couch.

"I can't go, I think I have senioritis." He drawled, running a hand through his short and dark locks.

"Yeah? I have 8th grade-itis. You don't see me complaining." Lovino quipped playfully, sitting cross-legged in his plaid pajama bottoms.

Antonio chuckled, crossing his arms on his stomach and closing his eyes momentarily.

"Do me a favor."

"Mmm?"

"Don't let high school steal your soul, hermanito."

Romano quirked an eyebrow at the command, not sure how to respond.

"I can't wait for college. High school hasn't done good things for me. Except of course, getting me into college." Antonio sighed, his head finally falling back to a rest.

"You make it sound so horrible. Thanks a lot, bastard." Lovino laughed, although an undertone of nervousness was slightly audible.

Antonio frowned.

"I didn't mean it like that, I mean, I think you'll like it. You just can't…" he paused, briefly considering his words as his green eyes shone dully. "…let it take you over. Don't overdo yourself."

Lovino's face screwed up in confusion for a split second, then he crossed his arms and sighed, leaning back on the couch in a manner similar to Antonio.

"I don't think I'll like it at all." He mumbled, averting his eyes to the floor in a childish manner.

"Well, I think you will. You'll enjoy the freedom." Antonio sighed tiredly, placing a friendly hand on the younger teenager's back.

Lovino's back felt warm under his friend's hand and he relaxed slightly, looking up at him. "Libertad?" he asked with a friendly smirk.

"Libertad." Antonio answered, giving him a squeeze around the shoulders. "Now, I know that you're not really a kid so I can't order you, but I'm going to make a friend-to-friend suggestion that you hit the sack before your parents come home, for your own safety."

Lovino pulled a scowl, although he wasn't too upset.

"Fine, jerk. Goodnight." He laughed, climbing off the sofa and returning to his efforts at falling asleep.

Lovino fidgeted in his seat, straining his eyes at the large group of graduating seniors congregated at the far side of the football field, a sea of maroon and white caps with gold tassels. His stomach kept at a steady nauseous level, like a hazy level of distraction that clouded his senses as well.

The sun shone warmly on his back, like a warm set of caring hands, protective and comforting. Lovino shook his head attempting to rid the thought. He was beginning to feel very impatient waiting for the graduation ceremony to start, and if his parents could tell, they weren't showing it. His younger brother Feliciano looked up with a somewhat troubled expression at him from his seat on the set of bleachers below him.

"Lovi, what's wrong?" he asked innocently, his voice still high-pitched and his eyes wide and brown.

Lovino's face twisted into a scowl, despite his brother's polite intentions. He wasn't in the mood to deal with his younger brother's innocence and air-headedness.

"Nothing Feli. Don't worry about it." He muttered to his brother, keeping his temper in check.

"Antonio has always been such a helpful young man," Lovino heard his mother's voice cut in, mingling with the pleasant and energetic chatting around them. "It's hard to believe that he is already graduating. Such a diligent young man. I hope you take after him, Lovino."

He didn't respond to his mother's curt statement, simply turning in his seat to face the rectangle of fold out chairs set up on the field that cast crisp and poetic shadows on the grass from the evening sun. It was really all a nostalgic scene when combined with all his thoughts, which were interrupted as the robotic and amateur sound of horns playing the school anthem vibrated through the air, filling the huge empty bowl that was the football field.

Lovino's spine straightened up as he suddenly became intently curious and craned his neck to squint at the royal color-clad figures approaching slowly in time with the music towards the main stage. After a few minutes he realized that it would be almost useless to try to find his friend within the huge crowd, especially with all their faces obscured by those damn caps. His back slumped slightly, as much as was possible on the uncomfortable metal seat. He zoned out for the next couple minutes of the valedictorian's speeches, waiting until they began to call names.

_I wonder how he's feeling right now. I wonder…if he's nervous. _Lovino thought, drowning out the speeches going on a few hundred feet a way.

"…and in conclusion, this year's graduating class has great, great things ahead of them…WOOO CLASS OF 2010, WE ARE FREAKING SMART! YEAH!" a cheerful blonde shouted into the microphone onstage, being ended rather abruptly as a disgruntled counselor ushered him away from the microphone.

"Thank you, Alfred." The man grunted, straightening his tie and recomposing himself. "Now, we will begin reading off the names of the graduating class."

With his words, the well-known tune began to play from the squeaky horns section and a maroon and white mob rose to its feet from the folded chairs on the field. One by one - painfully slow in Lovino's opinion - the seniors walked up to the podium, shaking the hand of the counselor, grabbing the diploma, and smiling for a picture. He knew that Antonio was near the beginning because of his last name, so he began listening in the B's.

"Gilbert Beilschmidt…Francis Bonnefoy…" Lovino's lips twitched at a bit of a smile as he remembered the two young men's names being called as the names of Antonio's two best friends.

The guys where somewhat…assholes, but they were Antonio's best friends and they were funny, even if Francis seemed like a bit of a manwhore to him. He shrugged the thought off and paid attention once again, holding his breath as the last name before Antonio's was called.

"Ivan Braginsky…Antonio Carriedo…" Lovino continued to hold his breath as he watched the event unfold in slow motion; Antonio walked gracefully up to the podium, his dark red robes swaying nicely around him as he walked in the dimming late afternoon sun, a white smile lighting up his entire face, green eyes smoldering with joy as he approached the counselor.

He reached for the diploma, turning towards the crowd and flashing a smile that sent a jolt of something foreign and unfamiliar down Lovino's spine, along with an increase of the stirring feeling in his gut. Time slowed down further as he watched Antonio's emerald eyes slide slightly to the left and meet his.

How can he possibly have picked me out in this crowd? was the only question that popped up into his dumbfounded mind, and he swallowed lightly and offered a weak smile back once his facial muscles started working again.

_My nerves are so bad. It must be because I've been denying to myself for so long that he's graduating._

And then, it was the next moment, and the brilliant mix of silky maroon robes, tan skin, emerald eyes and pearly teeth was gone, out of his line of vision, as the next name was called. Lovino looked down at his hands as he tried to gather his thoughts.

Once the counselors had finished awarding the diplomas, a few more speeches were given and all the graduates threw their caps in the air, giddy smiles and shouts of rejoice abounding throughout the almost dark football field. Lovino started making his way down the heavily crowded throng of people standing on the bleachers, trying to get pictures. Squeezing himself down to the bottom level he jumped onto the track, where he found himself more or less immersed in a sea of maroon, white, and gold.

Lovino wasn't short, but he obviously wasn't as tall as the vast majority of the seniors who were present. He stepped carefully through the jostling bodies, looking up at faces and studying them as much as they could, everything always moved to fast when he was in a crowd.

After about 5 minutes of searching, Lovino decided that he was tired of looking, and that perhaps diving into the crowd of tall people first thing had not been the best way to find Antonio. He squirmed a bit more through the crowd until he found the fence around the track, sighing heavily and leaning back against it. He stared at the beautiful sunset that had gone unnoticed by most of the energetic crowd. After staring at the now dusty colored sky for a few more moments his eyes returned to the slightly dispersed – but not significantly so – ocean of hats and found to his dismay that he could still not see Antonio. He sighed and started walking the track, the amount of people starting to thin out as he retreated farther and farther from the stage. He found a wooden bench in the grass close to the gates where the seniors had emerged from, and sat down, his hands falling into his lap and his head lolling lazily on his shoulders.

He pictured Antonio's face once again, beaming, such happiness in his eyes. He was happy for the older teenager, he really was, he just wished that somehow, Antonio could stay for a while longer.

Then, thinking about it, he realized that Antonio had told him that he was going on a road trip with his friends right after graduation, and then straight to his college to move into the dorm. With a gut-wrenching blow sort of feeling, he realized that it really would be the last time he would see the man for quite some time. His hands suddenly felt cold and clammy, and his feet had begun to fall asleep. He hung his head and closed his eyes for a few moments, not quite tired but just a bit worn out from the event and sitting cramped up in the bleachers.

His eyes snapped open when a hand landed on his shoulder, warm and familiar, and he looked up into the face that he desperately wanted to see and at the same time wasn't sure he did.

"Oh, hi Tonio. I was looking for you. All of you people are too tall. I gave up." Lovino sighed, stretching his legs out and wincing a bit at the 'pins and needles' feeling in his feet.

Antonio smiled and sat down next to him, spinning his hat lighting in his hands and sighing contentedly.

"Hey Lovi, I-" Antonio started.

"Congratulations!" Lovino blurted out, then realizing that he had cut his friend off shut his mouth and looked down at his hands with a bit of embarrassment. "Sorry. Go 'head."

Antonio chuckled a little bit and continued, a good-natured smile on his face. "S'alright. Anyway, just thought I'd come say goodbye to you and spend some time here before I left. Francis, Gilbert and I are going out to dinner with a few friends after this and then, as you know, I'm leaving tomorrow for our big road trip."

Lovino's face visibly fell at this, and although he suddenly realized it and tried to cover it up with a forced smile and a nod, it did not go unnoticed by Antontio.

A concerned look shone in his bright green eyes as he asked, "What's wrong, Lovino? Are you alright?"

Suddenly Lovino felt his throat clench, and it was too dry to form any words, so his mouth simply gaped a bit and he felt absolutely sick and horrible as he realized thick fat tears that he could not fight off were gathering at his tear ducts, and try as he might to hold them back, his throat already ached painfully and the salty water rolled down his cheeks. He immediately hid his face from Antonio; the uncontrollable gasping, choking sobs wracking his thin frame in a way that looked very violent. Antonio immediately wrapped his arms around the smaller teenager, pulling him to his chest, his eyes wide with concern and alarm as he rubbed his back comfortingly.

"What's wrong, Lovi? What's going on?" he asked in a smooth voice, attempting to get a look at the other's face.

Lovino pulled away from his embrace, feeling ashamed of acting like such a child. He had burst into tears! He had been completely unable to control it and had started crying like a baby. He fisted angrily at his red eyes, unwanted sniffles and hiccups escaping him every couple seconds.

"It's stupid. It's dumb, never mind. Just go with your friends." He mumbled, although his head was screaming the opposite.

"Lovino, please tell me. I might not get to see you again for a while after this, I really want to know why you're upset." Antonio said softly, but the words only sent another wave of hopelessness over him that made his eyes water.

Lovino took a large breath and exhaled slowly, the oxygen calming his slightly dizzy mind but not doing much for his rapid heart beat.

"I…don't want you to go. I kn-know you have to, b-but, I'll m-miss you." He almost whispered the end, staring at the ground and feeling the sting of the tears in his eyes.

"Lovi…" he looked up as a shadow fell across him and he found himself staring forward at maroon robes, realizing Antonio had moved to stand in front of him, bending over to look him in the eyes and place his hands on his shoulders. "I'm not going that far away. I'll never leave you. You really are my best friend. If you ever, ever need anything at all you know you can just call me. It will be okay."

Antonio looked into his eyes as he said this, and Lovino felt his stomach swirling again, although he wasn't quite sure why. He scowled a bit as the other hugged him, but hugged back after a minute, his hands gripping tightly to the silky fabric on Antonio's back. The Spaniard pulled away slightly, beaming as brightly as he had when he received his diploma, and leaned forward…to plant a gentle kiss on Lovino's cheek, who in turn, froze, his whole body rigid as he was unsure of how to react. His eyes were wide and questioning as Antonio pulled back, straightening his spine and smiling down at him. Realization sunk in and Lovino's cheeks colored, his face heating up drastically.

"Goodbye, Lovi." Antonio said sadly, with a smile, and began to walk away.

Lovino absently brought a hand up to touch lightly at his cheek, his eyes wide and his cheeks the color of pink roses.

Antonio turned to wave, and Lovi whispered, _"Goodbye."_

_

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DEE-PRESS-IINGUH.

Anyway.

That's not shota, so gtfo whores. Review pl0x? I will update faster C:


	3. I Miss You

-dodges flying objects directed at her such as knives, forks, rabid creatures, etc.-

I'm sorry, okay? :| School is a bitch, what can I say.

But my girlfran is awesome and inspired me to write more, so. Be happy for that. Also, a bunch of you promised me hugs and cookies if I updated. Several of you also threatened me :D Thank you so much for the reviews, especially because a lot of them are very insightful! Thank you for taking the time to give me feedback, you guys have no idea how much it means to me! (: I love you guys, so enjoy! ;)

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"So, what direct object pronoun do we add to the verb for the form 'yo'? Anyone? How about you, Lovino?" Señora Andreas asked evenly, tilting her head and making eye contact with the sulking Italian boy.

"I…don't know…" Lovino mumbled grumpily; if he thought about it, or had been paying attention, he might've been able to figure out the answer, but as it was, Spanish had moved from being his favorite class to his least favorite.

He knew why, but he denied it to himself completely. The truth was, it reminded him of a certain green-eyed Spaniard that he didn't want to think about at all; rationally, of course, he knew that it didn't make any sense to blame Antonio for leaving, but he hadn't seen a glimpse of the young man since the graduation day. His cheeks heated up slightly at the thought. There inlayed another reason that Lovino didn't want to think about Antonio: that foreign feeling he got in the pit of his stomach every time he thought about that evening at the graduation. He swore it off every time, trying to convince himself that his former babysitter had never been anything but a friend, nay, a _brother _to him. But as of late, he felt an overwhelming amount of shame and embarrassment to admit that he'd been having some rather…_strange _thoughts about Antonio. His heart fluttered when he pictured those bottle green eyes and bright smile, and he made an oath to himself to never share those thoughts with anyone. Miserably, he told himself that the thoughts would pass; that they were simply his hormones acting up, along with missing his friend dearly. He'd only asked his parents once if he could be given Antonio's number so that he could talk to him, but they'd said that the college student was too busy to deal with the antics of a child. It was now almost halfway through Lovino's school year, and he was already positive that he hated high school. He had barely any of his scarce friends from middle school in his classes, and the workload had only gotten heavier.

The soft dinging on the intercom that indicated the class change interrupted Lovino's thoughts. He silently stood and collected his books, his mind wandering as the other students quickly shuffled out of the classroom.

"Lovino, are you alright?"

The Italian boy looked up to see his Spanish teacher looking at him with a concerned expression.

"I ask because I got a very good recommendation for you from your Spanish teacher from 8th grade, she said you were very good, always did your work and participated in class…she said you were almost a natural. It seems like, even with that excluded, that your performance has been going downhill since the school year started."

Lovino felt tears sting threateningly at his eyes and pulled a sour expression. He hated it when teachers actually showed concern; it made him look like such an asshole. It would be so much better if they just minded their own business…

"I'm fine. I was never that good at Spanish, anyway…Goodbye, Señora." Lovino said curtly, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and clutching the doorknob.

"Lovino." Her voice was soft, and held him in place for a few more seconds. "if you ever need someone to talk to, my door is open."

Lovino nodded at the door, swallowing dryly.

"Thanks."

oOoOo

Lovino sat plastered to the bus window, praying as he did every morning and afternoon that the burly and very intimidating Turkish junior, Sadiq Andnan, would leave him alone. The older male harassed him on a daily basis, with such intelligent insults as derogatory terms for homosexuals and 'guido', which in particular got under Lovino's skin. He had lost his temper and blown up at the bully several times, but had always ended up getting shoved into a wall or something equally painful.

He sighed and bit his lip as he heard Sadiq laughing heartily at some innocent soul he had no doubt just harassed who was a few seats behind Lovino. He shoved the ear buds of his ipod in and sunk farther into the seat, scowling at the window and trying to make himself somewhat invisible. Unfortunately, his efforts were in vain.

He gasped slightly when he felt the earbuds ripped out of his ears, his spine snapping straight instinctively as he stared at first, and then glared at the tall and intimidating junior.

"Hey Lola. What's up, fag?" Sadiq asked, amused with himself as a few of his acquaintances chuckled.

Lovino rolled his eyes and sighed, turning to look out the window.

"What do _you _want?" he said flatly, almost a statement.

Sadiq's eyes flashed. "Now that you ask, sunshine, five bucks couldn't hurt."

Lovino glared at the window, ignoring him. "Screw off, you douche."

He let out a breathy whimper as he felt his shoulder shoved roughly into the metal of the side of the bus, his elbow smashing sharply into his ribs.

"Hey! Cut it out back there, or I'll write you both up!" the bus driver called from the front, clearly unaware of the situation.

"Yeah, jeez, behave yourself, Lola." Sadiq sneered, meandering his way back to the back of the bus.

"I fucking hate this school." Lovino mumbled to himself, rubbing his sore shoulder gingerly.

oOoOo

_"Antonio…I love you." Lovino said, burying his face in the other's strong shoulder, hiding it because he was afraid of what the Spaniard would say…_

_He felt the vibrations of Antonio's chest against his own; he was laughing. Lovino shivered and clenched the fabric of his shirt._

_Antonio slipped three fingers under Lovino's chin that were cool to the touch, and lifted it to look at him._

_"Te amo también."_

_Lovino's eyes widened as he translated the sentence in his head, a blush spreading across his cheeks and his jaw hanging slightly agape. He started to stutter out a reply when Antonio suddenly leaned forward, pressing their lips together and moving them slowly and sensually in a way that made Lovino's stomach turn and his spine tingle, and his ears burned against his skull._

_Antonio ran a hand through his hair and he let out a small moan that surprised even himself; he had never expected to make such a noise._

_"An-Antonio…" he stuttered as the Spaniard pulled away, a hand sliding down to rest at the small of his back. "Is…is th-this wrong? I…I-"_

_Lovino turned his head away bashfully, although his grip on Antonio's shoulders remained strong. Antonio offered him such a sweet smile that he felt his heart begin to palpitate even more in his chest, and he sucked a sharp breath in as he felt the other's lips graze teasingly over his neck, and then press lightly against his collarbone._

_"Nngh…T-Tonio…don't…nngh…" Lovino whimpered, clutching onto the other with everything in him._

_Antonio trailed kisses down his neck as his other hand slipped under Lovino's shirt, his warm palm blazing a trail up to his chest, and then down, past his bellybutton, and-_

Lovino jerked awake, panting, with a layer of sweat coating his forehead and the majority of his body, making his flannel pajamas stick to his skin uncomfortably. As realization hit him, he fell back into his bed, groaning.

"What the hell!" he whined, covering his eyes with his hands and blushing immensely, suddenly more grateful than ever that humans did not have the ability to mind read. He could never, ever, EVER, let anyone find out about these…_interesting_ dreams.

The worst part was that Romano knew he had enjoyed the dream. The evidence was quite clear, and this was not the first time it had happened. The more he denied it to himself, the more his subconscious mind tortured him. He shoved a pillow into his face, knowing that he would more than likely not be getting anymore sleep for the remainder of the night. After half a minute of jumbled, sporadic thought, Lovino dropped the pillow and stared at his wall.

"Okay, fine." He said to the empty space, plastering his hair back with his palms. "So maybe I like Antonio as more than a friend...or, brother."

The only response he received was the mockingly innocent tick of the clock, and the eerie, insect-less winter silence from outside his window.

"Fine! Maybe I…_love him_!" Lovino whispered the last part, because by no means was he confessing his love to anyone, only himself.

And even he was having a hard time accepting it.

_How did I manage to do this?_ He thought, turning on his side and playing with the edge of his sheet. _How could I fall in love with my babysitter! And he's a man too!_

Lovino scowled, reaching for his ipod from his bedside table and shoved the ear buds in, turning it on and starting it on shuffle. There was not much point in trying to sleep now.

When he woke up he realized immediately that if his parents weren't total assholes, today would be a great day to fake being sick. It was only half way through the week and he had a Friday mentality; he was too exhausted to go through another day of school. Hearing someone coming up the stairs and realizing that he was probably about to get yelled at for sleeping in too late, he jumped out of bed, flying across the hallway to the bathroom, and slammed the door loudly. Moving clumsily in his "just-got-out-of-bed" haste, he knocked over several bottles while attempting to grab a cup, which he filled with tap water. He dropped to his knees in front of the toilet and waited until the steps became closer, at which point he made a heaving noise and poured the water into the porcelain toilet bowl, satisfied with the realistic (and disgusting) sound.

A loud banging on the door startled him.

"Are you sick?" his mother's shrill voice yelled through the door, her impatience evident in her tone.

"I think so, I-" He made another heaving noise, pouring the rest of the water into the toilet.

"Oh, for the love of God Lovino, do not get any vomit on my toilet bowl, or I'll make you scrub it all off! Stay home from school today, you don't need to be spreading those germs to everyone." She said, her voice trailing off as she lost interest and walked away.

Lovino said a silent 'Hallelujah' and stood up, yawing and smiling to himself as he opened the door and walked towards his bed, ready to catch up on sleep and eager to miss school.

oOoOo

This time Lovino was jolted awake by the sound of the telephone on his bedside table, ringing shrilly. He opened his eyes slightly and winced at the bright sunlight that blinded him. He rolled over, grunting, and picked up the phone, staring at the dimly lit screen to see the caller I.D. before answering, considering he was _supposed_ to be sick. The number that appeared was one that he didn't recognize at all, and he pondered for the next ring and a half if he should answer it, but then remembered how angry his parents might get if he did not and it turned out to be an important call.

Sighing, he pressed talk and spoke into the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Hello." A painfully familiar voice replied. "Mr. Vargas?"

"It's Lovino, his son. Who am I speaking to?" he asked apprehensively, sure that it was someone he knew, but unable to tell because of the slight distortion of the telephone.

"Oh, hi Lovino, how are you? It's Antonio Carriedo!"

Lovino's breath hitched in his throat and his heart skipped a beat, the phone almost slipping from his fingers before he recomposed himself, slightly.

"G-good. I'm…I mean…hi! Uh…I missed…I mean, what's up? I h-haven't talked to you in a while, I was going to call, but mom said you'd be busy, and I guess I just thought maybe I should let you do your college stuff and uh…stuff..aha…ha." Lovino bit down hard on his lip as he simply listened with horror as stuttering and babbling spilled out of his mouth.

"Oh, Lovino, I miss you too!" Antonio said, a smile in his voice as he chuckled slightly, somehow deciphering the meaning behind the other's ramblings, and Lovino blushed lightly.

"So what's up?" Lovino asked in an attempt to be nonchalant, physically willing himself not to stutter.

"Well, like you said, it's been a while. I just wanted to call to say hi, since my winter break started today."

"…Did you forget that I go to school?" Lovino asked, with a smirk, rolling his eyes at Antonio's endearing forgetfulness.

"Well, I guess I kind of assumed you'd be on your break already, too…" his tone was sheepish and…cute? "but either way I was going to try to tell your parents that I was thinking about maybe visiting you guys for a little bit over the break, if that's alright with them."

Lovino's heart pounded in his chest and his breathing sped up as he thought about what Antonio was saying.

"Y-you should!" he said suddenly, cursing the slight stutter. "I mean, I'm sure they wouldn't mind, and…Feli really misses you too, it would be really cool, Tonio!"

The nickname slipped past his lips on impulse, and he immediately regretted saying it, hoping that Antonio wouldn't think he was weird.

"That's great! Yeah, I've been wanting to visit you since I got here, really!" Antonio said, his sunshine laugh ringing on the other end made Lovino's heart ache happily. "So how's school going?"

"It's uh…well, it's school." Lovino laughed lightly, a bit ashamed of the fact that his grades weren't nearly as good as they were when Antonio had been around.

"Ah, gotcha, school is school. Wait, why are you home?" he asked, finally realizing the obvious.

"I'm sick." Lovino lied, there was no point in telling the story.

"Oh, I'm sorry! I hope you get better! Well, I should probably let you get your rest then…"

_Don't go_… Lovino thought, but realized that it was pointless for the older male to stay on the phone anyway.

"I'll call your parents later this evening and tell them about it. I'll talk to you later, Lovi!" he said cheerfully.

"See you!" Lovino said automatically, waiting for the line to go dead and clutching the phone tightly, his fingers no doubt turning white from the pressure.

He fell back into his bed and bit his lip, and idiotic smile grazing his features. He went over the conversation in his mind, and gasped as he remembered something Antonio had said:

"_…I've been wanting to visit you since I got here, really!"_

He hadn't said, "you guys" or "you all", he had simply said "you", and even if it had been a mistake, it made Lovino's heart swell and his smile break into a full-fledged grin as he cuddled the phone to his chest in a manner that looked slightly ridiculous, having the mentality of a teenage girl in love.

However, at the moment, he didn't really care.

* * *

N'AAAAW LOVI

review please (:

p.s. - to anyone who is offended by the use of the f-word in here (not fuck, the other one) I completely understand, I won't even use it outside of creative writing. :| I hate the term and get called it a lot, and believe me when I say I would never use it; I simply picked it for Sadiq to say to Lovino _because_ of the fact that it's so offensive and I knew it would strike a nerve, which it's supposed to.


	4. Typical Teenage Angst

Jesusfish, don't kill me ded. D: Sorry guys, school keeps me so busy, and I was going to wait to post this till after midterms, but people kept asking me and I didn't want you guys to think I wasn't working on it, because I really, honestly do in every moment of my free time! D: Well anyway, enjoy, and I shall try to update faster!

* * *

Lovino sat at the grand, expensive looking cherry-wood dining table in his home, squirming in the lavish surroundings and darting his eyes everywhere. A fairly standard meal of mash potatoes, steak, and peas sat in front of everyone at the table, but he had not yet even spared his a glance, let alone touched it. His father's brow hung low and menacing as he shot a stern glare in his son's direction.

"Lovino, eat your dinner." He grunted, his attention turning back to his food immediately after.

Lovino sighed audibly, picking up his fork and jabbing the steak with it, lifting it up, and letting it plop back down on the plate. Then again jabbing, lifting, and plopping. _Jab, lift, plop. __Jab, lift, plop._

"Lovino honestly! You're not five, do NOT play with your food!" his mother chided, generally mirroring her husband's actions. "And stop fidgeting."

Lovino bit his lip in annoyance, stabbing the steak once more out of spite.

When was Antonio going to call? He was literally dying from his impatience.

Then again, he hadn't even considered the fact that his parents might say no to having Antonio stay there, and if they did, he didn't know what he would do.

_It would be just like them…_he thought, scowling deeper and dropping his fork with a clatter, which was collectively ignored by the members of his family sitting at the table.

"What's wrong Lovi? You seem sad, ve~" Feliciano called out from across the table, tilting his head and giving his brother a concerned look.

"Nothing." Lovino snapped, a little too quickly and suspiciously.

A few seconds later Lovino jumped from the shrill ring of the phone. He sprung from his seat with a burst of energy, startling the occupants of the table and knocking over his glass of water.

"I'll get it!" he interjected, already starting towards the phone when his mother's shrill voice stopped him.

"Lovino Vargas!" she squawked, her eyes aflame and her nostrils flaring. "You will stay right here and clean up this mess! Now!"

Lovino screwed his eyes shut in frustration, his jaw clenched as he walked, rigid, back to his seat. He fisted his napkin and scrubbed it roughly on the table while glaring daggers at his mother while his father rose to pick up the phone.

"Who could be calling at this hour…" the aforementioned man muttered inaudibly as he left the room.

"So inconsiderate, it was already enough that you were squirming and twitching like that at the table, and you…"

Lovino drowned his mother's ramblings out, fighting the urge to simply tell her to shut up (there would be hell to pay if he did) as he tried to listen to the conversation in the other room.

He heard his father's low casual voice, and felt his stomach churn in anxious excitement when the tone warmed up into that of familiarity, and he wondered if his father and Antonio were chatting. _He _wanted to talk to Antonio, but he knew that wasn't going to happen.

"…think that's a great idea! I'm sure the boys would be very happy to see you," Lovino overheard his father say.

_Yes yes yes! _He thought, almost bouncing in his seat.

He sat still in his seat, straining to hear his father. When he heard the footsteps approaching, he quickly picked up his fork, shoving a mouthful of peas in his mouth and grimacing slightly as he swallowed. As his father sat back down, he sat watching him silently, waiting for him to speak.

"Well? Who was it, dear?" his mother asked lightly, her chiding tone gone.

"Oh, yes! Well, that was Antonio Carriedo, the boys' old babysitter. He was talking about maybe coming to visit us over the Christmas break. I said of course, with all he's done for us," his father said, seemingly more cheerful than before.

Antonio just had that effect on people, even if they were as strict as his parents.

"Oh! That sounds like a good idea…maybe we can go somewhere and he can watch the boys! Yes, I like that idea." His mother giggled, and Lovino rolled his eyes, swallowing his disgust for her.

Whatever, he'd rather spend time with Antonio than her, anyway.

"So he'll be coming down late on the 21st, the day the boys' school lets out, I believe." His father continued, going back to devouring his plate.

Lovino felt his stomach twitch. _That soon? _

"Yay! Tonio is coming! Ve~" his little brother yelled, his little face breaking into a grin. "I can't wait! Aren't you excited Lovi?"

Lovino couldn't help the identical grin that spread across his face, as a feeling of warmth washed over him.

"Yes, I am."

OoOoOoO

Lovino sat draped across an armchair, half-watching the news and half sleeping as his parents bickered about something in the background. He ignored them disinterestedly and turned up the volume of television right as a piece about gay marriage came on. A reporter clad in the typical expensive looking dark blue suit was standing in front of what appeared to be a gay rights rally, colorful rainbow flags waving and glitter adorned men and women occasionally jubilantly streaking by in the background. Lovino kept an indifferent expression on his face, if only for self-preservation, considering his brother and parents were in the room.

"…trying to pass a proposition in several states to legalize homosexual marriage, as well as the congregation for the yearly Gay Rights parade," The announcer spoke officially, with the colorful background emitting hope behind her words.

Lovino sat still, a stoic expression on his face at every word emitted from the television. He felt, although he knew it was illogical, as though any wrong movement, breath, sigh; would give him away. He wondered if these people had all gone through high school, ordinary kids, and suddenly been assaulted by these unfamiliar feelings, with an disapproving family, fearful for their safety and sanity. Or perhaps they grew up in nurturing homes, with parents that told them they'd love their children no matter what they were, no matter what their sexual orientation. Maybe they'd been called names in high school too. Lovino sighed, realizing that he _already _got called those names and he hadn't even…well, 'come out' yet. He felt a nauseating wave of fear wash over him as he quickly recalled different stories he'd heard about and articles he'd read online of how gay kids were bullied in school so much that many of them were either killed or led to suicide by their abusers. It was clear, even if they survived, that their time in public school was one of suffering and pain, always from school, and the majority of the time, also from home. What was he really getting himself into? Admitting his…crush…maybe it would have kept him safer if he had just denied it to himself. Now that it was open in his mind…well, no human being knew, but that didn't mean they couldn't find out…But no, he had to admit it to himself. Otherwise it would just be plaguing him and it would never leave him alone. He had to believe that at least admitting it to himself was healthy. His thoughts were interrupted as his brother's soft voice called out a question.

"Papa, why are the gay people not allowed to marry each other?" Feliciano asked innocently.

He was in the fifth grade now, but still one of the most blissfully ignorant people Lovino had ever met.

"Because it's wrong. They're like disgusting animals that go against God's will. They don't deserve the holy right to marry." His father sneered, his tone heavy with disgust as his eyes finally traveled up from his newspaper; he muttered the rest of his thoughts, "if you ask me, they barely deserve the right to live…"

Lovino felt a fiery rage boil up inside him and his cheeks burned incessantly. Gay or not, he believed that everyone had a right to be in love. How dare his father call those people animals! They were better people than he'd ever be! He opened his mouth to protest when his mother's biting voice interrupted him.

"Lovino, turn that garbage off! No one needs to hear that! It's just disgusting." Her voice held an air of revolting superiority, and Lovino wanted to slap her.

His breathing was labored from the amount of effort it took not to get up and scream at them both.

_No, no_, he thought, _I'll only get severely punished for it. And what could I possibly do to change their bigoted personalities? Absolutely nothing._

The words echoed and tumbled against each other in his head.

_Nothing. Absolutely nothing._

He suddenly felt another wave of nausea wash over him and quickly stood up from his seat, retreating upstairs without any comments from the occupants of the living room, who had fallen silent after the altercation.

He slammed the door to his room immediately and crawled onto his bed, curling up in fetal position facing the wall as the onslaught of thoughts he had briefly held back with a dam of anger management flooded over and assaulted him one after another. He had admitted he was in love. This wasn't just a stage. He wasn't going back from this. When he honestly thought about it, had he ever really liked a girl? Not really. There were a few irrelevant crushes that had never affected him all that much. There was Elizaveta, but she had never really been anything more than a friend. Did he find her sexually attractive? Even in the typical high school boy spirit of 'fuck-anything-that's-pretty-and-moves'? No, never. He panicked. He would face more torture from Sadiq. Every day. Possibly more than once a day. Hurt. Ridiculed. Broken. The humiliation that he would never live down…any possibility of making new friends would disappear. His old ones would turn away in disgust. Was he something disgusting? Was _it _disgusting? Could he even _say _the word, let alone _think _it? He didn't think it was…homosexuality. His parents hated it. They already hated him. How would they react if they ever found out? Scream? Beat him? Send him to be exorcised by some priest? Disown him? The possibilities were endless. Was it wrong? Was it really so terrible? Maybe it was wrong. Maybe he was wrong. It was…okay for the general gay community, but just…him specifically, it was, so, _so, _wrong. It had to be. It would flip his already miserable life upside down, that was for sure.

As he rocked back and forth on his bed he desperately wished he had someone to talk to, to confide in. He thought of his options. Who did he trust the most? He let out a dry, humorless laugh as he realized, of course, it was Antonio he trusted the most. Of course. Who else? Elizaveta, Feliciano…he didn't really have any close friends…the problem with Elizaveta was that she was a very gossipy person; he knew it would probably get around. Not to mention the fact that she would freak out. She didn't hide very well that she was obsessed with Boy's Love and yaoi (which Lovino pretended earnestly to know nothing about) and would probably write some God-awful internet porn story starring him and Antonio that tons of girls would fawn over. Not to mention her so-called 'gaydar' always 'went through the roof' whenever Lovino was around, she accused him lovingly but he always responded with a scowl and a biting remark for her to mind her own business. Feliciano…well, he loved his brother, as dim as he was, but for that reason was afraid to tell him too much. They did tell eachother secrets that they promised to keep from their parents, but never anything this big and life-altering. Besides, Feli's secrets were always rather inconsequential, like eating a crayon or burying the leftovers in the backyard so he wouldn't have to eat them the next day, so it's not like Lovino had much to hold him to his word.

He let out a shaky sigh, clutching his face and noting that it was cold and clammy, but there were no tears. He was fear-stricken. What had he thought would happen? He would just live happily ever after with Antonio? No one would ever hurt him? He wasn't normal. He was a freak. There was only one thing he could do…and that was to never tell anyone.

OoOoOoO

Confessional poetry wasn't really his forte, but Lovino had to admit that it had become an outlet. Who else could he tell except his marble composition book? Could his pen keep secrets? Would the blue lines on the paper stab his back? It was possible, if anyone ever found the notebook. But he'd been careful enough not to put his name on it anywhere, so it wasn't recognizable as his.

At the moment, the only thing that was bothering him was the somewhat irritating brunette whom he, at times, hesitated to call his 'friend', sitting to his left in study hall.

"Come _on, _Lovino! Just one! _Please!_" she whisper-whined, clasping her hands together dramatically in front of him.

"No, I said no. You can't read my poetry, Lizzie," He replied indifferently, sighing slightly out of exasperation.

"But why _not?_ Can't I please just see _one_? You can pick the most non-threatening and let me read it right?" Elizaveta cried.

"No."

"Please?"

"No!"

"Please!"

"…fine."

"Really?"

"No."

Elizaveta frowned at him, crossing her arms over her light green t-shirt and looking away.

"You're so stubborn. I don't understand why you won't let me see any, are you embarrassed or something?" she began, and Romano scowled as he saw a familiar spark of excitement in her bottle green eyes. "Unless…you like someone, huh, Lovi? Are those _love _poems?"

Lizzie bounced her eyebrows up and down and Lovino could feel heat flood his cheeks against his will.

"Elizaveta! Shut up right now, you-"

"Ooh who _is _she! I'm dying to know! Is she blonde? Brunette? Redhead? Is she tall? Short? Is it Katie? She's got _huge _knockers, geez! Or her sister, Natalia? Well, she kind of creeps me out, to be honest…Um…maybe-"

"Lizzie! Shut up! Please! How do you even know I like someone?" Lovino cut in, scowling at people who were looking over at him.

"Well, you turned bright red when I suggested it so, _obviously, _you do. Don't worry, you can tell me! We've been friends since the 5th grade." Elizaveta said a bit more softly, tilting her head and letting a few locks of sandy brown hair fall over her shoulder.

It was true. They had been friends for a long time…but being someone's friend meant something different to Lovino than it did to the general population. He had never really shared any big secrets with Elizaveta, and he knew if the yaoi-obsessed girl ever found out he was smitten with another male, she'd have a frenzied field-day.

Lovino sighed, rubbing his temples. What could the harm be? She'd never guess.

"If I give you a clue, will you shut _up_?" Lovino asked, but his voiced lacked bite and instead sounded weary.

Elizaveta nodded jubilantly, her eyes widening.

"They don't go to this school." Lovino said carefully, his eyes flitting to the side and then down to his notebook, wondering it maybe he shouldn't have told her.

Elizaveta huffed, her brows furrowing.

"Oh come on! That's not fair! How am I supposed to guess that? They don't go to this school…She doesn't- wait a second," Elizaveta froze, her eyes narrowing and then widening suddenly, her appearance not that far off from a cartoon character. "Lovino, your pronoun usage is suspicious! You said they, not she. Unless it's not a she. It's a he! You like a guy!"

The first thing Lovino could think to do was to lean forward and throw a hand over his friend's mouth, shushing her with the other. Elizaveta ignored him and shoved the hand off, at least continuing in a much quieter, but still excited whisper. Her eyes sparkled as she spoke.

"So it's true! You really do! Oh my God, I can't believe it—Oh my God!" she squealed.

"N-no…no I don't!" Lovino shot back weakly, but he knew he had been defeated.

His stomach churned sluggishly and he felt the color drain from his face as it went pale.

"You have to tell me all about him! Is he tall? Handsome? What school does he go to? Can I meet him?"

"Lizzie!" Lovino almost shouted, receiving more attention than he wanted. "I don't want to talk about this. Now, or ever."

"But-" the girl started, but was cut off by Lovino.

"No! You already know that! You don't get to take anything else from me!" he hissed, the hurt evident in his tone.

Elizaveta's eyes softened and her expression fell as she, no doubt, felt a stab of guilt.

"Lovino, I just-"

This time, in quite a clichéd manner, the bell cut her off. Lovino ripped his notebook from the table and stormed out of the classroom, without a single word to the girl watching him depart.

OoOoOoO

Lovino trudged home in the snow the last day before break, his eyes on the ground and completely uninterested in the joyful shouts and bouncing around of kids who had been released from school. He had decided to take the long trek home instead of taking the bus and dealing with whatever early Christmas present Sadiq had in mind for him. He was grateful for the break, but only because it served as a break from seeing assholes at school. Now, he would have to see assholes at home.

_Except one…_

Lovino swallowed. Just thinking about Antonio coming to visit made him extremely anxious.

How would he react? He wracked his brain to trying to think of a time when he had had a crush on someone. He could only really ever think of the time he'd had a crush on a cute shy blonde named Lili, but every time he had tried to approach her, her rather frightening big brother had stepped in and all but outright threatened to beat him up. He tried to remember how he'd acted around her, considering that was back in middle school. Awkward, nervous, even a bit grumpy just because he was so embarrassed. It had probably been painfully obvious to others, at least, that he had liked her. He honestly hoped that he was not going to act that way around Antonio. He had to be very careful.

After the long walk home was finally over, Lovino came to his front porch to find his angry mother standing behind the screen door with a raised eyebrow.

"And where, may I ask, where you?" she demanded, her voice high and airy.

"I walked home, didn't feel like taking the bus." Lovino muttered in reply, opening the door and stepping past her.

Normally, she would have reacted more strongly to that, but it seemed as though she was a bit distracted at the moment.

"To good for the bus, huh? Of course…" she muttered, walking past him indifferently and heading towards the living room, where his father was seated.

Wait, why was his father home?

"Your father is going to pick up Antonio, because it's a few hours away and he would have to pay for a taxi otherwise, and that would just be horrible; we will not force him to associate with such dirty street people," His mother said, more to the room than him.

Ignoring the last part of her comment, Lovino walked into the room, dropping his backpack on the floor and looking at his father.

"Can I come?" he asked, his voice hopeful.

"Of course not!" his mother cut in, not giving his father a chance to speak. "The last thing your father needs is to deal with _you _while taking that long drive!"

"That's not fair!" Lovino raised his voice slightly, but he realized he had already lost the battle.

"Well, that's too bad. Life isn't fair. So instead, you can go upstairs and do your homework." His mother said contemptuously, turning her head away from him.

"It's the first day of break! I have two weeks to do it!" Lovino shot back, nonetheless picking up his backpack from the floor and slinging it over his shoulder.

"Then you'll just procrastinate and never get it done, as usual!" his father spoke for the first time, disapproval heavy in his voice. "Now listen to your mother, and go upstairs."

Lovino spun on his heel and quickly climbed the stairs without another word, fuming at his parents. Sighing, he closed his door, and threw his bag on his blue bedspread. The books fell out, scattering here and there. He flopped down onto the comforter and picked up his notebook, brushing his hair behind his ear.

He opened up the middle page, to his most recent poem, where he had attempted to mix some Spanish in, just for the heck of it.

_Ivy plants and crystal glass, _

_ Emerald rings and summer grass._

_ Tu ojos son tan brillantes. _

_Oh bring me_

_ Bring me_

_ Closer to this._

_ Quiero, Necesito, some of you_

_ Some of me._

_ Carved out oak and cinnamon,_

_ Earthy canvas and sand baked by the sun._

_ Tu cara es tan suave._

_ Oh dame _

_ Dame,_

_ A summer kiss,_

It was unfinished, and cheesy, yes. But he wanted to actually try getting better at writing. If he wrote one _not _about, well…_him,_ he might even show it to his English teacher. He placed his open notebook down on the bed, crossing his legs.

As he headed out into he hallway to get a drink from the bathroom, he ran into his mother, who looked frantic, no doubt trying to rectify the already flawless home. He passed her and she looked up, a sudden look of recognition in her eyes.

"Oh yeah—Lovino, Antonio is going to stay in your room, alright? So clean it up if it's not already," She said, slightly absently, too distracted to be hostile once again.

Lovino's eye twitched slightly at the thought, and he simply stood there while she carried on.

"…okay," He said, forgetting his purpose for being in the hallway.

He walked back into his room and decided that now, as he flopped down carelessly on the books and papers strewn across his bed, he was going to take a nap.

When he awoke it was several hours later, and he had a bit of a headache. He sat up, wondering what all the commotion downstairs was that had woken him up, when he suddenly realized that Antonio was probably there. Clumsy in his haste, he shot up quickly, having to sit back down shortly after as the blood rushed downwards and he felt dizzy. He carefully got up again and raced out of his room, almost falling down the stairs as he jumped down them two at a time.

When he finally reached the foyer, hair and clothing a mess and his eyes wide and bright, he felt the biggest smile he had ever worn spread across his face.

_Finally. _

_

* * *

_Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand cliffhanger :D Not really though, you can obviously predict what's gonna happen next, it's not like it's Arnold Friend at the door, hu hu. (A life of my servitude goes to you if you get that reference without looking it up.)

Notes about this chapter:

I. I just picked random characters; I wanted to use Hungary because I love her and I'd planned to make her part of the story from the beginning. I didn't base the relationships/friendships off the anime, because this is AU, remember?

II. I know Ukraine's name is not Katie, but she had no given name, except the fan-given name Katyusha, which I shorted to Katie cuz that just sounds hecka weird to me.

III. I really think that if you're doing an AU fic like this, where the character _has _to go through some sort of revelation where they realized that they bat for the other team, they should at least react _somewhat _realistically. Now this reaction may not be typical for all kids who are going through a period of sexual frustration, but I think in Lovino's case, with no one to talk to and strict parents, this is a perfectly normal reaction. One's character should at least show _some _reaction to the fact that something so huge in their life has changed, not just, "oh hey, I just realized I'm gay. :|"

Okay, cool? cool! Next chapter:'TONIO'S PERSPECTIVE! :D

Next chapter IS A PERSPECTIVE SWITCH. That's right kiddos, that's why I had to end it here. The next chapter, and possibly every chapter from then on (not sure, what do you guys think?) is going to be in Antonio's perspective. And thaaaat's when things start to get steamy ;D

Love you all! Review, pl0x. Mwahmwah.


	5. Coming Out

**LALALALA –skips over flaming pitchforks- I was…in a coma? :'D**

**And a note – I know you guys are mad at me for not updating, but can I just say how much I love you ALL? Seriously, your reviews- and even on my other story, they make me grin like an idiot! Unfortunately I don't have time to reply to them all, but I just wanted to say that I appreciate every one of them, and all of you are so thoughtful and kind, I could never ask for better readers!**

**Oh oh oh- also, after I finish this story, I'm starting a new historical Spamano fic, where Spain is a pirate, and Feliciano is the Pope, or a priest, I haven't decided…and of course, Romano is his brother, who has decided not to join the convent…I'm going to outline it so it should go faster :D Slightly inspired by the fact that my friend and I are cosplaying Pirate Spain and Pirate Britain for Otakon in a couple months…so if you see a Pirate Spain there remember that it is your loverly Spamano writer deathbysharpie ;D**

* * *

"Just, Jesus Christ – This guy is so fun to irritate. He's such a priss," Antonio's closest friend, Gilbert, rambled lightheartedly from across the dorm room they shared. "And his reactions are priceless. I can make him blush like a freakin' poppy."

Antonio chuckled, listening bemusedly to his friend's stories as he carefully folded and packed several articles of clothing. It wasn't that Gilbert's attempted sexual exploits weren't _entirely _riveting, but Antonio's attention was drifting elsewhere. He was indescribably excited to go visit Lovino and the rest of the Vargas family. It seemed almost silly that he was such, but it was like home to him, and he missed it.

"_Bonjour! _Open the door to be graced with my presence!" a muffled voiced called from behind the door.

Antonio sighed, rolling his eyes and smiling as he walked to the door to let his French-speaking friend, Francis, in. Francis couldn't share a dorm with him and Gilbert because it was only two to a dorm, but he lived in the one across the hallway. Technically, freshmen weren't allowed to pick their own rooms at all, but if there was anything the trio of friends did well, it was not abiding by predetermined rules and 'pulling strings', so to speak, to get what they wanted. Either way, three to a room with only two beds (and, Antonio considered, with Francis being the pervert that he was) it would have been rather uncomfortable, so Francis roomed with some freshman Canadian. Antonio felt bad for the poor bastard; apparently Francis thought he was cute. 'Bangable' was the term he had used. Then again, Francis had quite the reputation for being a _tad _hypersexual in highschool. Just a _tad. _

"_Merci!_" Francis called into the small room, accompanied by a wide smile as the door was opened for him and he entered in quite the grandiose fashion.

"We don't speak French, you sissy bastard!" Gilbert barked authoritatively, chucking the bouncy ball he'd been playing with at Francis' head.

Francis ducked, ignoring the lazy German on the bed and turned towards Antonio, offering a tired smile.

"Leaving us so soon, _mon ami?_" he asked, a fake pout on his lips.

Antonio laughed. "Almost everyone has left already, Francis, and I don't know why you guys wanna stay at _school_ for Christmas break. That's absurd."

He shook his head as Gilbert replied from across the room, "Hey, I'm leaving too. Gotta go visit the little bro. I'm just staying a little longer so Francis and I can fuck up a few dorm rooms before we leave." He smirked, and then continued, "But believe me, if priss was staying, I'd totally bother him the whole time. I'd be all up _on _that!"

"Still attempting to sexually harass Roderich?" Francis laughed, leaning against Antonio's bedpost.

"It ain't harassment." Gilbert deadpanned, briefly looking down uninterestedly at his nails, "not if he likes it. He just doesn't _know _he wants me yet. But he does. Who could possibly resist me? I'm fucking _awesome._"

At this, Gilbert promptly slapped his own ass and stuck his tongue out, biting down on it with one of his sharp canines, his ruby eyes glowing with laughter.

"You…are such a moron," Antonio said, shaking his head; but there was no bite in his tone, only fondness for his goofy friend.

"So what about you, then, Antonio," Francis started, cutting off any complaints from Gilbert. "Going back to the house you've been enslaved in for the majority of your high school life? Sounds like loads of fun."

Antonio simply smiled and shook his head in reply as he zipped up his suitcase.

"_Díos_, no, it was nothing like enslavement. You guys know that. I was never happier than when I was working there…" Antonio trailed off, recalling the depressive condition he'd been in before he'd found something to make living worthwhile.

"Oh, _right_, shit Francis, Antonio's got a nice piece of ass over there. _That's _why he likes that job so much. How old is Lovi, now, 14?" Gilbert cut in, wearing a shit-eating grin on his face.

Antonio blushed at his friend's shamelessly crude connotations.

"Oh, shut up," Antonio snapped, rolling his eyes. "And he's 15."

At his final comment, Francis and Gilbert burst out laughing, the latter almost rolling off the bed on his side of the room.

"Well, that's not so bad," Gilbert gasped amidst his laughter, looking like he was tearing up. "S'only about 3 years!"

Antonio crossed his arms and put his lips together to avoid blurting out that it was technically four, even though he hadn't turned 19 yet. It wasn't like it mattered, knowing that his friends would ultimately end up turning him into the butt of one of their jokes yet again. He didn't really mind that much, it was just that them involving Lovino frustrated him a little bit more than it should have.

"Hey, I'm not blaming you man," Gilbert said, walking across the room to join them. "I'd tap that, for sure."

Antonio felt his jaw drop a bit, accompanied by a sudden uncomfortable tightening in his chest and stomach, and he couldn't think of a funny way to respond. He didn't want to respond in a funny way. This upset him.

Francis smiled warmly, placing a hand on Antonio's shoulder as he spoke to Gilbert.

"_Non,_ Lovino is Antonio's."

Antonio simply shrugged off the feeling, picking up his suitcase and sighing.

"You guys are dumb."

—This Is A Line To Separate Occurrences In Time—

Antonio was not the type of person to judge people. He made a point of not doing so, in point of fact. However, Lovino's father was an individual whom he found it increasingly hard to keep a neutral (God forbid he say _fond_) opinion of. In fact, it was quite the opposite. He found himself often wanting to take a lunge at the lecherous man and give him a proud bloody lip. Unfortunately (and fortunately, in some cases) this man was his previous employer, and had paid him quite generously in both money and a fantastic job reference.

He had witnessed, firsthand, the cruelty of this man toward both his children, and was incredibly unsettled by it. How the man treated them—even when Antonio was presently _in the room_—did not leave much to the imagination of how home life was until he had come along. He really, truly hoped that he had made an improvement in the boys' lives, and that, at least when he was there, he had made home a little more bearable.

That was not the issue at hand at this very moment, however, Antonio thought, as he sat pensively in the passenger's seat of Mr. Vargas' expensive vehicle, listening to the older man chat away about things he held little to no interest in.

"…but the company's just as profitable as ever, of course. As is only to be expected! No company I work for would let itself come anywhere _near _to falling flat, despite these so-called 'troubled times.' So anyway Antonio—how has school been?"

Antonio had been slowly tuning the elder man's one-sided conversation into a soft lull in the back of his head, and almost missed the question he asked, quickly snapping back to attention.

"Oh. Great! Great. I really like it there. Great professors, great campus life," Antonio nodded briskly, cracking his sunny smile.

"Very good, yes." Mr. Vargas replied, nodding approvingly without much of a smile. "Speaking of colleges, I remember my freshman year at college; it was a very large, prestigious school…"

Antonio inwardly sighed and prepared himself mentally for another hour of this.

—This Is Also A Line To Separate Occurrences In Time And Its Name Is Roberto—

Antonio felt—of all things—a pang of nostalgia as Mr. Vargas turned onto the street that he had so often driven down for a good portion of his life. Of course, it couldn't be helped. It wasn't like he could stay there forever; the boys would eventually grow up. He wasn't even sure if he could consider Lovino a boy anymore. Was that patronizing? He was in high school now…

Antonio bit his lip with an unfamiliar anxiety welling up in his stomach that seemed absolutely ridiculous to him. Was he worried that Lovino wouldn't be close with him anymore? The college student swallowed his nervousness and put on his familiar sunny smile as he climbed the steps to the Vargas abode, the man of the house chattering away in his ear about stock brokers or something equally inconsequential.

The house was bright, _so bright_, he thought. He had not forgotten the high ceilings and ornate light fixtures in the entryway, but he had forgotten the bright light emitted from them that he had to shade his eyes from, as it contrasted so sharply with the darkness from which he had just left. In doing so he very nearly missed the shadowed figure standing at the top of the stairwell, one hand extended to the railing and remaining stalk still.

"Lovino!" Antonio called, setting his suitcase upright and grinning as the smiling figure on the staircase came into focus.

Lovino shifted and crossed his legs, but did not move from his position on the staircase. His smile twitched a little bit, and he gingerly raised his hand to wave.

"Hey Antonio."

Antonio cocked his head to the side, slightly worried at Lovino's distant behavior, but not disheartened enough to stop himself from holding out his arms wide and cracking a goofy smile.

"Well? Come on, _compadre! _Give me a hug! I haven't seen you in too long!"

At this, Antonio noticed a similar smile broke out on Lovino's face as he descended the stairs and approached Antonio.

In this brief time period—before the aforementioned younger came up to him and crushed him in a surprisingly, well, _crushing _bear hug—Antonio made two distinct physical observations. One, his dearest Lovino had gained a substantial amount of height, and was literally what looked like three to four inches away from matching up with him perfectly. The second observation was the ambiguous cloudiness that hovered in Lovino's eyes, and the dark circles that sank beneath them.

However, once that moment passed, Antonio indeed experienced the full growth of Lovino's once noodle-like arms as they encircled him and squeezed absurdly tight, crushing the chests of the two young men together rather uncomfortably. Antonio laughed nonetheless, clapping Lovino on the back, and gasping for air a bit. After a few seconds, Lovino pulled back, with a sheepish grin on his face.

"Hey Antonio. Uh, what's up?" he asked almost shyly, looking down at his hands before meeting the other's eyes.

"Not much man, it's so great to see you though," Antonio said, beaming at the younger of the two.

Before Lovino could answer, his younger brother flew from the kitchen, attaching himself to Antonio's abdomen, knocking the breath out of the poor man by force for the second time in the last 5 minutes.

"Hey there, Feliciano!" he laughed, inconspicuously detaching the monkey-like elementary-schooler from his torso after patting him on the back and ruffling his hair.

"Antonio! Antonio! You're back!" Feliciano yelled excitedly as he jumped up and down in a manner quite uncharacteristic to a 'big boy' fifth grader, but quite characteristic of the boy himself. "How is your school? Is it fun?"

Antonio laughed, rubbing the back of his neck as a nervous habit, as was characteristic of _him. _Feliciano was such a complete opposite from his brother. Not that he minded; they were both great boys. (Or in Lovi's case…guy?) He could only take Feliciano in doses, though. The kid was incredibly cute, and he'd gotten used to him after babysitting him for so long, but their discussions could only get so deep.

"Feliciano!" a voice that Antonio knew far to well squawked from the kitchen. "Keep it DOWN."

Antonio winced ever so slightly, preparing himself for the always-lovely Mrs. Vargas. Said woman marched out of the kitchen, in her stilettos of death, not much longer after Feliciano had snapped his mouth shut like a turtle. She had a 'company' smile on her face, and extended her hand for a quick shake and a skin-stretching smile when she saw Antonio. He returned the smile expertly; picking up his bag from the floor once his hand was free.

"Mrs. Vargas! It's so nice to see you. Thanks again for letting me stay here for break! I really appreciate it."

"Not a problem Antonio! We're glad to have you. You'll be sharing a room with Lovino. Lovino!" she snapped, 'company mode' slipping quite easily into 'bitch mode' around her eldest. "Show Antonio up, and help him with his bags."

"Yes, ma'am." Lovino sneered, staring darkly ahead as he picked up one of Antonio's bags.

His mother narrowed her eyes at him but said nothing, click-clacking swiftly back into the kitchen. **((A/N: WHERE SHE BELONGS. Derp sorry I couldn't help it :3))**

Antonio released a breath, rubbing the back of his neck again. He realized Lovino had picked up one of his heaviest bags, and gently placed his hand on the teenager's arm, halting him on the first step. He extended his other, lighter bag toward Lovino, smiling.

"Here, that one's too heavy, I shouldn't make you carry it. I'll take it, and you can take this one," he said, reaching for the bag.

Lovino stared at Antonio's hand on his arm, and then at Antonio for a few seconds, looking flustered, before he wordlessly took the other bag and gave Antonio the one he was holding. After the switch, he quickly walked up the stairs, refusing to look back at the other.

Antonio followed, slightly bewildered, wondering why Lovino had looked so flustered.

Later that night, after Antonio had settled in, he walked out of Lovino's bedroom and decided to ask if he could help out with dinner, as was only the polite thing to do. He walked downstairs to a delicious smell wafting upwards. He walked into the kitchen, yawning slightly and greeting Mr. and Mrs. Vargas.

"Hello Mr. Vargas, Hello Mrs. Vargas. Do you need any help with dinner? I'm a pretty good cook!" he said amiably, offering a warm smile.

"My, my!" Mrs. Vargas smiled bashfully at him, putting a hand on her hip as she turned away from the stove for a moment. "Well, aren't you just a gentleman, Antonio! No dear, that's fine, but thank you for the offer! Actually, why don't you go see if you can find the boys, maybe _you _can get their lazy butts to set the table?"

Antonio smiled, nodding his head as he exited the kitchen. The youngest Vargas was nowhere to be found, but his abandoned coloring book and crayons indicated that that he had made off as quickly as he could at the mention of setting the table.

He knew Lovino wasn't in his room, and began to look for him, until he found him sitting tensed on the edge of a large chair in the den area. He had one hand to his ear, covering it, and the other sandwiching a cell phone between his hand and his other ear. His shoulders were hunched over, his brows were furrowed and his face was a little red. Antonio was about to tell him that his mother wanted him, when he realized the other was still talking on the phone.

"N-no…Eliz..Elizaveta, that's not true!" Lovino's face turned a darker shade of red as he listened to the reply from the other end, completely oblivious to Antonio. "NO! Of course not!"

Antonio took a cautious step forward. He was not planning on eavesdropping on Lovino, and felt as though whatever he was discussing on the phone was something private, if the boy's body language was any indication.

"Look, I swear to _God _if you tell anyone, and I mean _anyone _about this, you will wish that you were never bor-" Lovino started, but cut himself off quickly when he saw Antonio approaching with a sheepish smile.

"A-Antonio!" he half-shouted, fumbling with the cell phone and dropping it onto his lap before quickly snatching it up to listen to the shrill noises that even the Spaniard could hear from the distance where he stood.

"N-no…Stop- stop it! Elizaveta! I told you _that's not true! _NOTHING! I'm hanging up on you. Goodbye, Elizaveta."

Lovino looked positively mortified as he jabbed the 'end call' button on his phone, his gaze drifting up to meet Antonio's eyes, his face a bit pale in palor.

"Uh…'Tonio…how much did you hear?" he asked cautiously, scratching nervously at his arm.

"Nothing much. Just you threatening the life of some girl, which is, of course, not a cause for concern," Antonio laughed, his eyebrows raising in amusement.

Lovino's laugh sounded somewhat forced and shallow. "Heh…yeah, she's my…_friend_…" Lovino rolled his eyes, "and she found something out. She's kind of nosy. But it doesn't really matter. So anyway, what's up?"

Antonio shrugged and did not comment on Lovino's hasty change of subject; if he didn't want to talk about it, than it was none of Antonio's concern.

"Well…" he started, clearing his throat. "I believe that your mother would like you to set the table, Mr. Vargas."

Lovino groaned.

—Hey It's Roberto Again Just Separating Some Time—

After a few days of staying at the Vargas residence, Antonio found himself falling back into the normal routine he had practiced for so long, with Lovino becoming more and more friendly, Feliciano acting as bubbly as was normal, and their parents harassing the boys just as often as usual.

However, no matter how much Lovino seemed to become comfortable with Antonio—as he had been in the past—he would continually have relapses if Antonio became too friendly, like hugging him or putting an arm around him. The older of the two began to worry that leaving for college had truly estranged the two, once inseparable, friends. Did Lovino feel as though he had been betrayed? He had to understand that Antonio couldn't have stayed forever, of course. And it wasn't as though he had moved across the country; he had remained in the state and was hardly over an hour or so away.

Antonio sighed as he climbed the stairs after dinner one night, pondering over Lovino's distant and strange behavior. He considered asking about it, but wasn't sure if the stressed out teen would want to talk about it, and that it might even manage to drive him even further away from Antonio.

As he walked through the hallway he noticed that the lights in Lovino's room were off, and he could hear the rattling of the shower from behind the bathroom door. Sighing tiredly, he sat down gingerly on the side of the bed, glancing around the room briefly before his eyes traveled down to rest on an open composition book laying on the comforter.

_Was that…Spanish? Interesting. _

Thinking that it was simply an assignment, Antonio picked up the notebook, curiously peering over its contents.

_A poem…in Spanglish? Was this an assignment? Oooh, a _love _poem…probably not. I should probably _not _be reading this…Hey, Lovino's pretty good!_

Antonio read over the short poem once more, a thoughtful smile on his lips. He should really put it down…but Lovino was a great writer! It had a lot of sensory detail, and the Spanish wasn't half-bad, either.

Antonio heard footsteps in the hall, and knew he had to make the quick decision either to drop the notebook and pretend like he hadn't read it in the first place, or act like he didn't know there was anything wrong and that he was more than likely not paying any respect to the other's privacy. He decided on the latter simply because he already knew what he was doing was wrong, so he should apologize for it.

Lovino pushed the door open and stepped into the room, hair still dripping from his shower, at first not noticing the notebook in Antonio's hands. Antonio smiled the best he could in the dark room, rubbing the back of his head with one hand and not making an attempt at hiding the notebook, as he did not want to seem secretive.

"Uh…Hey Lovi. This poetry is great! Sorry I- well, I didn't know if it was private or anything, because it was just open on the bed there…but, you're really getting good!" Antonio said quickly, trying not to sound too lame.

Lovino's eyes moved slowly from Antonio's face to the notebook in his hands, as Antonio witnessed his brain piecing together what he had just said, and a look of utter, unconcealed horror crossed his features, his sun-kissed face turning quite pale in a mere instant.

"What did you read?" Lovino snapped weakly, his chest heaving a bit in difficulty.

"Just this…" Antonio said uncomfortably, extending the notebook toward Lovino.

Lovino quickly snatched it away, backing himself up as far away from Antonio as the small room would allow. He hung his head and his grip on the notebook tightened as he read the poem. The paper began to crinkle beneath his whitened knuckles.

"Lovi…" Antonio took a cautious step towards him, which he ignored. "It's…it's really good. I'm sorry I invaded your privacy, but there's really nothing to be embarrassed about, I-"

Lovino snapped his head up, his eyes looking watery and betraying his hard grimace.

"It…w-was about something private!"

Antonio averted his eyes guiltily, biting his lip and stepping forward.

"I'm sorry…I guess I, sort of gathered that. I should've put it down the moment I realized – it's just, I mean – there's no real reason to be embarrassed..." Antonio said hurriedly, smiling comfortingly. "Everyone gets crushes. It's totally normal. In fact, it'd probably be weird if you _didn't _like anybody!"

Antonio laughed a bit, trying to read the sudden change of emotion in the younger teen's eyes. To his horror, they became glassy and filled with no longer rage, but extreme sorrow, the tears spilling over as the shuddering, heart-wrenching sobs that Antonio recalled from his graduation tore from Lovino's chest, the young man attempting in vain to stifle his sobs by forcing his face into his hands. Antonio's eyes shone with confusion and concern, his stomach twisting in knots as he witnessed the genuine agony of his friend. He quickly walked over to the door and shut it to give the two of them some privacy, returning to the center of the room and gently taking a hold of the teenager's wrists to pry them away from his face.

"Lovino, _Díos! _What's wrong?" he asked quietly, rubbing his thumbs over the skin of Lovino's wrists soothingly.

"I-I-I-c-can't…I-"

Lovino couldn't form a coherent sentence due to the fact that he was gasping for air in between sobs, and it was clearly a topic he didn't want to talk about.

"Yes, Lovino, you can," Antonio began, walking the pair over to sit down on the bed. "You know you can tell me anything."

If this was the cause of the teenager's distress-that which had clearly been eating away at him for quite some time now-It was important that Antonio knew what it was. This wasn't something that he could stand to see his friend keep bottled up.

"I-I'm…I th-think…Oh God…"

Lovino wrapped his arms around himself tightly, as if holding in the next wave of violent sobs. Antonio looked at him encouragingly, his curiosity sparked.

What could possibly be tearing the teenager up to such an extent? Did he have a crush on a psychotic killer or the like? Honestly, a high school crush was not something to get this worked up over. There had to be something else going on…

"I'm…" Lovino took a deep, quivering breath and stared at his hands. "I think I'm gay."

Well, that was certainly something else.

Silence reigned supreme in the dark room as Antonio began to process what he had just heard. Unfortunately, he would think back later, that was a very bad time to be silent.

"Oh my God. You probably think I'm a freak. And disgusting! Just…forget I ever said anything…" Lovino trailed off, his face hopeless and his eyes refusing to meet Antonio's.

That snapped him out of his stupor.

"No, no, no, no, no!" Antonio said quickly, pulling the other to his chest and encircling him protectively with his arms. "Absolutely not! I was just…a little surprised. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being gay Lovino, nothing at all. It's completely natural. And if that's who you are, than that's who you're supposed to be."

Lovino let out a few more shuddering breaths before looking cautiously up at Antonio.

"B-but…my p-parents…they'll…I-" Lovino couldn't finish his sentence; another sob was working its way up his throat.

"Hey, hey, shhh. It's okay; they don't have to know right now. If you want, it can just be between you and me. You don't have to tell anyone else until you're ready, okay?"

Lovino looked up at him, his eyes hesitant before he nodded, and slowly pulled himself out of his former caretaker's embrace.

"Lovino…" Antonio started, his voice quiet and cautious. "You know that Gilbert, Francis and I are all bisexual, right? There's nothing to be ashamed of."

Lovino looked as though he had just been hit by a bus.

"Wh-what? Is that really true?" he asked, his eyes wide.

"Really, really," Antonio laughed, patting Lovino on the back, before continuing softly. "So, when did you realize…?"

Lovino immediately averted his gaze, his cheeks getting darker as he clutched his sides.

"Alright, alright, we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Antonio began, putting up his hands in surrender.

"N-no…it just…sort of happened. This year, at the beginning-ish…I realized…th-that…I liked someone," Lovino stammered quietly, staring at the floor.

Antonio's face softened. "Well, he'd be lucky to have you, Lovi," he said, rubbing Lovino's back affectionately.

He felt the younger man twitch slightly beneath him, but didn't take it to heart; he knew that he was distressed. Lovino laughed bitterly at Antonio's comforting words.

"He's not interested in me," he mumbled, a hopeless smile crossing his face.

Antonio's heart nearly broke. Lovino was much too young to be giving up hope already!

"You don't know that!" he exclaimed, tilting his head and looking sympathetic.

"Trust me, I do."

Antonio sighed, patting Lovino's back once more before returning his hands to his lap, and then quickly grabbing a scrap of paper and a pen from the bedside table. He started scrawling down his number messily, looking up at Lovino as he spoke.

"Look, Lovi, if you ever need _anything, _anything at all, or if you have any questions, can you please promise me that you'll call or text me? This is not a burden you have to bear on your own," Antonio said, his face stern as he handed the scrap of paper to the young man seated next to him.

Lovino looked hesitant, and avoided eye contact as he accepted the piece of paper, but eventually smiled a bit as he pocketed it.

"I promise."

* * *

**Hey guys, I know there's a lot of notes in here, but I've just finally finished writing this chapter today, and unfortunately I found out some very bad news this morning, that someone in my family whom I was very close to died today from the cancer she's been fighting for several years. She was a wonderful person and the reality of death really hit me hard today.**

**Never forget how important people are to you, and never forget to tell them how much you love them, because one day, it might be too late.**

**R.I.P. Stephanie Larson**


	6. Boiling Point

**You love me.**

* * *

Lovino stayed true to his promise, at least initially.

He called Antonio from time to time, chatting with him about life and school. Lovino's sexuality always seemed to be the elephant in the room during their conversations, until Antonio, bubbly and oblivious as always, started to bring it up again.

In phone calls he would always say things with a tone that implied concern for Lovino's feelings on his sexuality. He would ask frequently how school was going, if he was talking to anyone, or making any new friends. Lovino was not stupid; he knew that Antonio meant well, but he honestly hadn't progressed at all in the acceptance of his own sexuality. He generally avoided it. Elizaveta had stopped torturing him about it so constantly, and he had begun to ignore her more as well. He didn't have the heart to tell Antonio that he had fallen into even farther isolation.

And then, Antonio started to become more direct in his questioning. Was Lovino interested in anyone? Had he found any other classmates to be friends with that were 'out'? Lovino always answered awkwardly and quietly, swerving around the questions uncomfortably, but they always seemed to return. And then, of course, Antonio, that bumbling bastard, had to bring up the poem. Of course he did. Lovino had acted too defensive about it for something _not _to be up. The first time Antonio had asked about the 'mystery guy' (so he called him) over the phone, Lovino had nearly had a heart attack. The young man's eyes grew wide with panic as his heart thundered in his chest. He could only stutter his dissent of telling Antonio into the phone, which the latter responded to in his own friendly, accepting way. However, as time wore on, Antonio seemed more and more intent on encouraging Lovino to 'go for it' with whoever this person was. The teenager wanted to rip his hair out of his head every time his clueless companion gave him romantic suggestions, but always declined politely, suffering in silence. What else could he do? He didn't want to risk ruining the best friendship – or relationship of any sort, for that matter – that he had ever had.

His unwillingness to talk about his most confidential secret, he discovered, slowly created a deepening rift between the two males. He could tell that Antonio was becoming frustrated and hurt by the fact that it _seemed _like Lovino didn't trust him enough to share his real feelings with him. The fact that he refused to speak the truth of his emotions to Antonio had an entirely different origin, however, little to the other's knowledge.

The inevitable end of Lovino and Antonio's conversations didn't die in an explosion of yelling and anger, or a sharp word filled with spite directed at one another. It tapered off, slowly and gradually; as the summer before Lovino's sophomore year dragged on, he called less and less frequently, opting to sleep in and mow neighbors' lawns here and there for extra money. He made a few acquaintances by keeping his mouth shut and becoming as average of a teenager as he could. These acquaintances occasionally came over to play videogames, but they honestly meant nothing to Lovino, and he probably meant nothing to them. To him it didn't matter much; he just needed the façade of normality. Anything that could patch up the gaping hole in his chest, if only enough to make it so unnoticeable that he too would forget all about it, would do. It was unlikely, but he could always hope.

However, strangely enough, while blocking out all thoughts and memories of his former caretaker, Lovino fully embraced his sexual orientation, although secretively. The method in which he did so was honestly something that he had never expected from himself.

He relied entirely on online chat rooms, forums, and websites. At first he sought advice, but eventually decided that he didn't want any information. He simply wanted an outlet for the sexual frustration that was building up inside of him, and he did so by meeting strangers on the internet and sexting or cybering with them, often emerging less satisfied and more disgusted with himself, but it was a habit he couldn't break.

Lovino blatantly ignored the warnings he constantly heard from people to be careful with who he associated with on the Internet, and how much personal information he gave out. He was fairly certain that he had broken a great number of these unwritten rules by sharing such personal information—and engaging in such intimate acts—with these people that lived states, countries, and entire oceans away from him. Simply put, he didn't see the danger in associating with people so far away. They were so abstract to him; there was no emotional connection. They were just an outlet for his stress and frustration.

They continued to be separated by a wall of satellite communication until Lovino applied for a job as a clerk at a small grocery store in the summer between his sophomore and junior year. Up to that point in time, Lovino had been starting to feel an urge, and aching urge, to just jump out of his skin and expose his secret. He had spent too many nights locked in his bedroom, hiding everything, everything that he was. He needed to know what it felt like to be with a man. It was all he wanted at this point. And if he couldn't have…_him_, well, then he'd just have to compensate.

Lovino reflected on the past two years as he stacked cans of stewed tomatoes on the shelf in the canned foods aisle. He easily glided around the memories of _him_—he couldn't even bring himself to say the man's name anymore—with the skill of much practice. He let a soft sigh escape his lips. He refused to be sentimental in any way, shape, or form.

Just focus on the tomatoes. Stewed tomatoes. Tomatoes…

He tried not to let thoughts of the sweet fruit lead him down any undesired paths of thought, grimacing and focusing on the cold of the metal in his palm. As he carefully placed another can onto the shelf, he had the strange feeling that he was being watched, and expecting to find another idiotic, baffled customer requesting help from him, turned his head stiffly, but his eyes did not meet what he expected.

He saw a young man who looked about as old as him—or at least as tall—standing at the end of the aisle, poking something on the shelf absently, while his light blue gaze through sandy bangs felt upon Lovino, and a slight smile grazed his lips. However, soon after Lovino's slightly confused eyes met the other's, the teenager turned and walked to a different aisle, a mop of sandy blonde hair disappearing around the corner.

Lovino stared after the teen in confusion for a few more seconds, before returning his gaze to the cans he was stacking. People stared at him occasionally when they thought he was weird, but usually not so openly. He had half a mind to follow the stupid boy and slap that dumb smile off of his face. However, although Lovino didn't really _like _his job, it was the only source of income he had, and he wasn't planning on getting fired any time soon.

He growled under his breath and heaved a sigh, placing the last few cans on the shelf. As he did so his rather portly boss popped his head out from behind one of the shelves, peering into the aisle with his large eyes, the wispy and small amount of hair on his head flying upwards at his movement. His eyes darted around for a moment until they settled on Lovino, and he pointed a round finger at his employee.

"You. Vargas. Are you done?" he asked, in a tone not too authoritative, but not too gentle either.

"Yeah," Lovino answered flatly, letting his arms hang limply at his sides.

"Go to register 11," his boss said, jerking a hand behind him to gesture to the empty station.

"…'kay," Lovino replied quietly, walking slowly over the register, a few impatient customers already trailing behind him and struggling past each other to form a line.

It wasn't too busy that day, but there was only one other cashier working, so it would be expected.

_Where the fuck are all those lazy bastards? _Lovino thought angrily, not pleased at being forced into the social interaction aspect of his job.

He had checked out about five people and had two remaining when he noted that the store was nearly empty, since it was about half an hour from closing time. He let out a sigh of relief, but scowled when he noticed the sandy-haired boy who had been watching him before standing at the end of the line. To make matters worse, the kid noticed, and turned his head to return the gaze of the 16-year-old cashier, smiling slightly. Lovino's eyebrow twitched in annoyance as he turned back to his current customer.

oOoOo

The whole 'smile-and-ask-"did-you-find-everything-okay?"' routine had never really been something that Lovino opted to do when checking out his customers, and he certainly did not want to do it at the moment, as the teenager with the blonde hair strode up with a kind of self assurance that made various muscles in Lovino's face twitch. He hurriedly and forcefully grabbed the items off of the conveyer belt that the other had placed on, running them through the scanner without a word. He could feel eyes boring into the top of his hanging head.

_Just ignore it, Lovino…_

A bitingly cocky voice sliced through Lovino's thoughts, however, as the blonde teenager spoke.

"Aren't you going to ask me if I found everything alright?"

_Damn, is this jerk a mind reader?_

Lovino sighed, lazily lolling his head up, considering the many options of nasty things to say to the kid. Then he took his job into consideration.

"Did you find everything alright?" he asked slowly, through slightly gritted teeth, trying to keep his expression neutral.

The sandy-haired boy laughed, leaning slightly on the side of the conveyer belt.

"Yes," he finally replied, his eyes sparkling with _something_. "I'm Sam, by the way."

_Alright, what does he want?_

Lovino cocked a brow in suspicion, before answering, "good for you."

Sam laughed again. Lovino twitched in annoyance. Then Sam tilted his head slightly, reading Lovino's nametag. Shit. He hated those things.

"Nice to meet you…_Lovino._ Cool, is that Italian or something? I love Italian stuff."

Lovino stood behind the counter quietly; his eyebrow cocked even higher as he stared wordlessly at the teenager and continued to check his items out. There were so many things that he _could _say, but at the moment he felt that it would just be more beneficial to keep his mouth shut and let this Sam flounder.

Sam rubbed the back of his head nervously, his eyes flitting off to the side briefly before his confidence returned as he set his elbow on the metal ridge near the conveyor belt, resting his chin on his fist so that his face was close enough for Lovino to see his light brown freckles and the pale blue of his eyes.

"So…anyway, the reason I ask is because I think you're pretty cute, and I thought maybe we could go out sometime," Sam said, his voice low and smooth and perfectly rehearsed.

Lovino did a half-assed job of hiding his initial surprise; he had honestly thought that the teen had some plans to make fun of or harass him. And then it occurred to him that it was probably a joke, and his eyebrows furrowed, his mouth pressing into a tight line as he slammed the last item down into a bag.

"That'll be $22.50. Who put you up to this?" he asked simply, pressing the appropriate buttons on the cash register to display the final price.

Sam chuckled lightly. "No one. I'm serious."

Lovino couldn't explain it, but at that moment, rage flared up inside of him.

"What is wrong with you assholes? You think that just because I'm…_different_ you can mess with me? Why won't you just fucking give up already?" he hissed, his hands gripping the metal ridge tightly.

Sam's face was contorted into a dumbfounded expression, until it eventually relaxed back into his 'cool' façade, and he pulled a piece of notebook paper out of his pocket.

"Look, I'm not some ass here to bully you about being gay. I just wanna take you on a date. Call me when you wanna see the other side of things," Sam stated simply, winking and handing him the piece of notebook paper with his number scrawled on it, and twenty-five dollars. "Keep the change."

Lovino stared after the other teen in disbelief as he walked away.

_Was that a joke? Was he serious? Does he _actually _want to go out with me? Wait, how did he even know I was gay? Am I that obvious?_

Lovino's head was still spinning when his boss shook him on the shoulder, informing him that it was closing time.

From that point on, it was like a domino effect. After Lovino had finally gathered his courage and called Sam, the young man had explained to him that he knew plenty of gay people that lived near him, and that he would love to show him places to meet up with them. Naturally, Lovino was extremely excited to hear about this; after all, it was what he had wanted for a very long time now. He was also nervous, however, about being discovered. He felt like two opposing forces were ripping away from each other inside of him; on one side, he did want to be open, and love whomever he wanted, but on the other side, he was afraid of the consequences, and what people would think, and how he would be treated.

By the time Lovino was 17, and almost halfway through his Junior year of high school, he led an entirely separate secret life that almost no one knew about, one where he snuck into clubs, went to late night parties out of state, and made out with strangers in alleyways. He was ashamed of himself, and yet, too addicted to quit. Lovino knew the path he was heading down was a dangerous one, but couldn't find one legitimate reason to stop. His parents either didn't notice or didn't care, he had no real friends, and the man he desperately loved would never love him back. That was when everything took a turn for the worse.

Being young, and generally reclusive, Lovino didn't have much sexual experience. However, when he started attending parties and clubs more regularly, that all changed. He still considered himself a virgin, but that didn't mean that he hadn't done some exploring. He had grinded and dry-humped on dance floors and in dingy bathrooms at nightclubs, and had given and received hand jobs from people he barely knew. He had made out with one guy for five minutes, and then switched to another immediately after. He wasn't proud of it, but damn, it felt good to get rid of all that sexual frustration.

Although Lovino did engage in a lot of things that got him dangerously close to getting caught several times, he was smart, and made sure that whatever he did, he did far away from home. However, as time went on, he began to become more comfortable, and let down his guard a lot more often than he had previously.

Lovino thought about this as he stood still in the miserable early April air, holding a small mobile phone up to his ear gingerly.

On the other line was a boy named Keith, whom he had met half a week earlier at a nightclub one of Sam's friends had snuck him into. The teenager was relatively attractive, at least in the generic 'blonde-hair-and-brown-eyes' way, and had made it very clear that he was interested in Lovino. They had, however, been interrupted before they could mess around in the back of the nightclub; his ride had decided that he wanted to leave immediately, and Lovino hadn't had much of a choice but to follow him. He had given Keith his number, not thinking much of it, and now the other wanted to meet up and 'finish what they started'. Normally this wouldn't be a problem for Lovino; a little fooling around that could perhaps end up in him receiving a little sexual favor from the desperate teenager didn't sound too bad, but it was what Keith said next that caused his current dilemma.

"Can we go to your house?"

It was a simple phrase, but it was one that Lovino rarely heard. He usually veered the topic away from that particular question, because of course, it was a bad idea to have anyone, let alone a gay teenager, come over to his house. Normally he would have just spat out a hasty 'no', with a tone that implied that there were no exceptions to that monosyllabic answer. However, before going with his autopilot response, Lovino quickly considered it. His parents were leaving for an important dinner with some of his father's coworkers at eight. He knew they couldn't possibly be home before eleven. They never were; he had witnessed it enough. Feliciano was staying over at a friend's house, so Lovino knew his younger brother wouldn't be there to interfere. When he thought about it, he realized that there wasn't much of a reason they _couldn't _just get together at his house. Still, a nagging feeling in the back of his mind warned him that it wasn't a good idea, and that something was bound to go wrong. Regardless, he was tired of not following through on anything simply because of his fears of being discovered. Swallowing slightly and with just the slightest hint of well-disguised regret, Lovino spoke into the phone.

"…Alright. Fine. When do you wanna come over?"

"How about 8:30?" Keith asked, his voice filled with static from the bad reception.

"Yeah, okay. See you then."

"Seeya."

It was after the click of the line going dead that Lovino felt a sudden rush of rebellion wash over him; he was going to make out with a guy, on the white leather and cherry wood sofas in the ridiculously grandiose living room, and there was not a damned thing his parents could do about it.

oOoOo

Lovino walked slowly to answer the doorbell, his feet feeling heavier with each step. When he opened the door, he barely spared Keith a passing glance before gesturing lazily for him to come in.

The blonde teenager, who had been leaning against the doorframe, walked into the house, letting out occasional 'oh's and 'ah's, as guests of the Vargas house usually did. Lovino ignored the gawking blonde, walking silently over to the white couch and sitting gingerly on the edge. He placed his elbow on the armrest and brought a slim index finger upwards to tap on his lower lip, which wore a dark smirk.

Eventually Keith caught the bait, his eyes slipping from the elaborate border on the walls to Lovino situated on the couch. He leaned back nonchalantly on the wall opposite Lovino, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes at the other boy as a slight smirk of his own grew on his cheekbones.

"So…" Lovino began, his eyes flitting to the side briefly in faux shyness. "You wanna watch a movie or something?"

Keith's smirk widened into a full-out grin, and he dropped his arms and stepped forward as he answered.

"No."

"Good, me neither," Lovino replied, staring the other boy down with his caramel-colored eyes.

He followed Keith with those eyes as the teen slowly crossed the room, and eventually came to sit beside him. After a few moments of thoughtful silence, he leaned in close to Lovino and whispered in his ear.

"But I can think of something else we can do."

Lovino maintained a small smile on his lips, but otherwise did not react, and watched curiously as Keith pulled back, wearing a mischievous grin. Placing his palm on Lovino's cheek, Keith smashed their mouths together, his working hungrily against the other's. Lovino kissed back slowly, and focused on the methodical action, instead of trying to get any sort of reaction from himself, because he knew he wouldn't.

Unless…No, he wasn't going to think about that. He was sitting on the couch, in his living room, kissing Keith. That was all there was to it.

But…

As time wore on the kiss became more intense—the two teens shedding clothing and Keith climbing on top of Lovino—and his resolve began to crumble. He couldn't help but let his mind wander…He closed his eyes tightly. He imagined Keith's blonde hair was dark brown, and his muddy eyes were bright bottle green, reflecting all the light in the room. He imagined the other's pale skin was dark and smooth, and that the hands trailing up and down his stomach were larger and gentler, like the ones he knew so well…And finally, he allowed himself to imagine that the weight on top of him was…_Antonio's_.

He felt a tremor run through his body, racking him powerfully. He heard Keith snicker above him, and thought, _if only he knew. _He threw his head back against the couch, moaning as he felt lips against his neck that he pretended belonged to Antonio. His eyes fluttered open slightly to gaze cloudily at Keith, who had his own shirt off and his hands on Lovino's belt. His eyes slipped closed again as he waited, breath a bit short in anticipation. When nothing happened he opened one eye and a scowl crossed his face in annoyance.

"Well?" he asked impatiently, crossing his arms regardless of the fact that he was on his back under someone else and it looked rather ridiculous.

Keith looked embarrassed as he rubbed the back of his neck and flushed.

"Well, I…guess I was just…" Keith paused, his eyes flitting to the side, before mumbling the end of his sentence. "Waiting for permission?"

Lovino growled in annoyance, rolling his eyes. Reaching forward, he grabbed Keith's crotch and squeezed hard, staring straight into the teen's eyes.

"How's that for permission?" he asked acidly, a cold smirk on his lips as the other boy floundered; his head tipped back in ecstasy as a moan ripped from his parted lips.

"Th-that's good!" the flustered boy finally managed, his hands quickly moving to fumble with the belt.

Lovino leaned forward, roughly pulling at the back of the other's head and looping his arms around his neck and kissing him. He felt Keith's fingers dancing lightly over the front of his jeans, and sighed quietly into the other's mouth. He started to trail his hands down the other's back and was about to reach for his crotch again when he heard a noise that stopped his heart.

_Click._

It was the front door. It was in full view of the living room.

He heard his father's voice, but it sounded far off, as if filtered and processed.

He heard the pounding of his own heart, which had contracted painfully in his own chest.

He felt his stomach drop to his feet and his breath get caught halfway through his lungs.

His father's voice rolled in through the open air as he spoke to Lovino's mother.

"…was such an important dinner, you'd think they would've called earlier to say it was cancelled, and-"

Finally, regaining his senses in an excruciating rush of feeling, Lovino shoved Keith off of him as hard as he could, hurriedly putting his belt back on as he felt pinpricks of fear stab his brain and hands, highly affecting his motor skills.

It was too late, though, his parents had already seen everything.

Lovino could only swallow in horror as the moment passed in slow motion; Keith slowly turning his head from the spot where he had fallen on the floor, Lovino's mother bringing her delicate manicured hands up to cover her mouth in disbelief, and his father's face contorting first into shock, and then into the most furious and rage-filled expression Lovino had ever seen before. It was like the quiet before the worst storm in history.

And then it all blew up.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" Mr. Vargas screamed, his hands flying to his sides as he stomped into the living room.

His eyes bulged out of his head and his mouth was open like some kind of feral animal. Lovino had never been so terrified of his father in his life.

"I c-can expl-" Lovino started, but was cut off as his father stormed across the room with frightening speed and grabbed Keith by the collar of his now inside-out shirt that had been put on in great haste.

"Who the _fuck _are you?" he bellowed in Keith's face, filling the once silent room with the sound of his demanding shouts.

"I-I'm K-Keith, sir, I-"

"Get the fuck out of my house! Now!"

Keith's ridiculous scrambling and tripping from the floor to the front door would have made Lovino laugh, had he not been so petrified in fear. Lovino's father spun to face him as the front door slammed shut, his eyes narrowed and insane with rage. Lovino felt cold with terror.

"_You._" His father spat, and Lovino tried to keep his breathing steady; subconsciously backed up deep into the cushions of the couch, his hands spread out on either side of him, as if supporting himself. "You're a _fag!_"

Lovino felt his heart constrict painfully in his chest.

"I should've known! You were always such a _goddamn _problem child!" Mr. Vargas' tone grew in pitch as he continued, now stomping towards his son. "HOW _DARE _YOU BRING YOUR…_GAYNESS _INTO THIS HOUSE. WHAT YOU WERE DOING WAS UNHOLY!"

"Dad, I-" Lovino began, but found that anything he had to say was stuck in his throat like glue.

His father's eyes flashed, and his voice dropped to a dangerously low pitch.

"_Don't you dare call me your father,_" he spat, grabbing Lovino roughly by the shoulders and yanking him up, causing the teenager to bite down hard on his lip to stifle a yelp of pain. "You are NO SON OF MINE!"

At that moment, Lovino assuredly felt his heart burst inside his chest.

So many years of embarrassment, shame, loathing, and hiding; He was done with everything. Suddenly, he felt a wave of courage surge through him.

Frowning, he shoved his father away with all the strength he could muster, glaring spitefully at the man.

"And you are no father of mine, you bigoted, idiotic bastard. I hate you!" He yelled, adjusting himself into a defensive stance, his eyes flashing with hatred.

He heard his mother gasp from across the room, but his eyes remained steady. She was no threat to him. He didn't give a shit what happened to the bitch. His father, however…

"How…how _dare _you speak to me like that, you ungrateful, sinning SWINE!" the older man roared, throwing his body at his son and punching him in the jaw so soundly that Lovino fell to the ground.

Lovino cried out in pain, his eyes angry slits leaking tears as he cradled his jaw.

"Sergio…" he heard his mother call softly and timidly, sounding foreign in comparison to her normally shrill voice.

Lovino's father ignored her, stepping towards his injured son, and delivering a swift kick to his stomach. Lovino gasped, the air forced out of his lungs. He moaned in pain, curling in on himself and squeezing his eyes shut as a small amount of blood dribbled down his chin from the corner of his lips.

He heard his mother weeping softly by the doorway as his father uttered his final words to his son.

"Get out of my house," he said flatly, already starting to leave the room and not even sparing the bleeding boy a second glance. "And don't ever come back."

Every part of Lovino hurt, especially his jaw, but his pride wouldn't allow him to just lie on the floor. Gathering all his strength he slowly pushed himself up, biting his lip to stifle his cries of pain. When he reached his feet he swayed slightly, and then staggered towards the door. He grabbed his messenger bag off of the coat rack and swung it lazily over his shoulder. He opened the door wide, letting it slam against the wall, and before he stepped out, he looked his father in the eye—or at least, tried to—and spit his blood and saliva onto the floor.

Then he slammed the door, and stepped out into the chilly April air.

oOoOo

Lovino had lost track of time, but assumed it had been about an hour since he had started walking. He felt unsteady on his feet, and knew he needed to stop soon, but continued stubbornly pressing on just to get as far away from his house as he possibly could. He didn't really know where he was walking, and had already passed the old grocery market where he worked. He hadn't ever really ventured so far, but he didn't care anymore. However, the sun was beginning to go down, and he gave in as he came across an abandoned old playground near a highway exit. Spotting a relatively structurally sound park bench sitting near a fence, he hobbled towards it, collapsing on the unforgiving wood and groaning slightly.

He hadn't been sitting there, staring solemnly at the rusty old swingset for more than 5 minutes when he felt the first icy cold drop of rain hit the bridge of his nose and run down his face. Cursing silently to himself, he stared up at the darkening sky and frowned as few more scattered drops hit his shoulders and face. The sky was already dark because the sun had gone down, and the ominous rain clouds that rolled in shrouded the entire park in darkness. Blinking his eyes wearily, Lovino laid his head down on the bench, feeling the hard wood press uncomfortably against his shoulders.

_Fuck my life. Fuck this. I could die right now, I really could. God owes me at least a mercy killing,_ he thought, his eyelids drooping heavily.

No._ No!_

Why should he be upset? He was finally free. He would not just lie there pathetically on the bench in the rain, and get hypothermia, and die a pathetic, nameless death. He yanked his messenger back out from underneath him weakly, his hands fumbling around on the wet fabric to get it open and rummage around for his phone. After a few minutes he found it, pulling it out and wrapping his fingers around the cool plastic.

He felt as though he didn't have enough energy to do more, but he knew he had to. Slowly sliding the phone open he began to go through his contacts. Who could he call? Who would come pick him up, and possibly let him stay with them for a prolonged amount of time?

One name in particular stood out to him, but he refused to acknowledge it, shoving it to the back of his mind.

He stopped scrolling briefly when he saw Elizaveta's name. Funny, kind, smart Elizaveta; she was one of the best friends he had ever had, and he had managed to ruin it. She probably wouldn't appreciate him calling her to come pick him up in the rain at 10 o'clock at night.

What about Sam? Lovino's heart gave a hopeful leap. So, the kid was kind of a douchebag, but he would look out for Lovino if he really needed it. At least, he assumed so. He quickly called the other boy, holding the phone close to his wet ear and murmuring a mantra of 'pick up, pick up!' into the receiver. He scowled heavily when the voicemail clicked on, pressing the end call button and swearing at the phone.

He had very few contacts in his phone, and the rest of them were people like Keith, people that didn't care enough to come and get him.

Well, except for one.

But Lovino couldn't bring himself to call…_him._ It had been almost a year since he'd last talked to him, and he had no idea what he would say. But when it came right down to it, Lovino knew that Antonio was his only hope.

_He may not love me like I love him, but I know he cares about me…or at least, he used to. _

Lovino swallowed a bit, his throat dry and aching.

"I really don't have a choice, do I?" Lovino said to himself, his voice sounding rough and weak.

The rain pounded down on the black tar of the highway in reply.

Letting out a shaky breath that he hadn't even realized he was holding, Lovino called Antonio, slowly bringing the phone up to his ear. As it began to ring, he half-hoped that the other wouldn't pick up.

One, two, three times it rang, until Lovino heard the _click _of the phone being picked up, and his heart jumped weakly and hopefully in his chest, like a trapped butterfly with a broken wing finally seeing the light.

And then he heard that voice. The voice he had been missing for so long, the voice he had been denying to himself that he _needed _for so long.

"Hullo?" Antonio's voice said from the other end, sounding tired and filled with static.

Lovino's breath briefly caught in his throat, and he felt tears threaten to fall in the corners of his eyes.

Finally, he managed to choke out a reply, a small smile working its way across his face.

"Hello, Antonio? This is…this is Lovino."

* * *

**I'm not a big fan of angst, but this chapter has been written and rewritten so many times in my head...and this works out perfectly for the rest of the story. I promise this is the angstiest chapter.**

**And I know there's not much romantic shit in this chapter, but in terms of time actually spent writing, this chapter took me the longest, because there's a lot of important stuff that needs to be explained, and there was a lot of thinking out I had to do. So, I hope you enjoy it. There will probably be two more chapters until the end of the story.**


	7. A Rescue Mission

**Voilà.**

* * *

Oranges. And snow. Oranges and snow, and…caramel-colored hair.

_How peculiar, _Antonio thought, his mind still struggling out of the cobwebs of sleep as he stretched his stiff shoulders and rolled over in his cotton sheets.

That was what he had been dreaming about; strangely, the dream was concrete enough for him to smell the citrus tang of the oranges and feel the bite of the dry, frozen air against his cheeks, but the perception itself came in short, blurry spurts of sound and color: bright orange against grey and white, occasionally coming into focus with caramel strands of hair and a matching set of eyes.

But never mind that, he was awake now, and was becoming increasingly aware of the source of his nearly-full consciousness, which was his phone playing a shrill, preset melody into the dark and empty room.

As a tanned arm emerged from the cocoon of sheets and the attached appendages flopped around determinedly like a trout on a wooden dock, Antonio thought several different things in his post-sleep haze.

What time was it, because his college-intuitive senses told him it was somewhere in the neighborhood of midnight to three in the morning.

His second thought, immediately following the first and somewhat interconnected with the aforementioned, was: Who in God, Buddha, or any other deity's name would be calling at such an ungodly hour? He hardly got enough sleep as it was.

The final thought that came to him while he was still shrouded in the darkness of his sheets was the answer to his previous question, which he assumed was a Frenchman, a German, or a drunken combination of the two.

For that reason, and several others, he found himself in quite a state of shock when he held up the small cellular device to his face, squinting, and observed the name on the caller ID.

At first he didn't believe it, because of all the people in the world to call him, especially at-

_Wait, it's 10 o'clock at night? When did I go to sleep? _Antonio suddenly panicked, flailing around in his sheets and bolting up.

The phone rang once more, insistently, and Antonio stared at it again, as if willing the name and number to change. But they didn't, and the phone continued to ring.

And so, being Antonio Carriedo, he answered it.

He found his throat dry from sleep and perhaps something else, and cleared it before rasping out a greeting into the receiver.

"Hullo?"

He honestly had no idea what to expect. Out of the all the scenarios he had had a chance to run through his head in the matter of about 10 seconds when he had first seen the caller ID—which was, surprisingly, a lot—he had had one independent variable in his potential equation, and that was that no matter what state Lovino was in, or no matter what he had to say, he would still sound like Lovino Vargas. Antonio couldn't have been any more wrong.

The voice that answered on the other end of the phone hardly sounded like the Lovino Vargas that Antonio knew at all. The Lovino Antonio knew had a sort of constant _fire _that stood as a backlight to everything he said, igniting every syllable with the excitement and passion that simply existed within the teenager. There was always assertion in his tone, enough that it bordered on self-assuredness, but in a way it was endearing.

"Hello, Antonio? This is…this is Lovino."

This was not the voice of Lovino Vargas. It was feeble, quiet, trembling, and afraid. It was a voice that sounded defeated, like the world had broken its legs and beat it with its own crutches. It was a voice that had a sad, bitter humor to it, one completely void of hope and persistence. And then, Antonio realized, with a sick jolt of his heart down to the pits of his stomach, this _was _Lovino's voice.

And that was the worst part.

"Lovino…Uh…Wow. It's been…Hi! I mean, sorry. Are you…are you okay?" Antonio sputtered groggily once he had finally regained his senses, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and hunching over, yawning several times.

Lovino let out a sort of hollow chuckle in reply, only confirming Antonio's fears and sending a pang of anxiety down to his upset stomach.

"Um. I'm…" he let out a long sigh, slightly distorted by the crackling of the phone line and what sounded like the incessant tap-dancing of heavy rain on pavement. "No, I'm really not. And I'm sorry it's taken me so long to say this, I've been such a coward."

Antonio felt like something was lodged in his throat, and his eyes widened. How long had it been since Lovino had called him? One year? Two?

"Lovino?" he said softly after clearing his throat, urging the teen to go on.

"I…" Lovino started, his voice wavering like he was on the verge of tears. "Antonio, I screwed up so bad. I really did."

Antonio clung tightly to the phone, as if Lovino would slip away if his grip loosened.

"I'm so sorry I haven't called. I'm so sorry I'm calling now, you must think I'm such a dick-"

"No!" Antonio cried instantly, interrupting the other as he felt his heart swell with sadness and frustration. "Lovino, what's going on? What's wrong?"

"I…" Lovino paused again, and Antonio could practically picture him biting down on his lip in concentration. "I got kicked out…of the house. My dad, I mean. He kicked me out…he…found out I'm gay."

If Antonio hadn't known what to feel before, it was nothing compared to this moment.

At first he felt a sort of aching, agonizing emptiness that morphed into a horrible sadness, and then he saw it. The little spark of light, the one that always flickered on when he became so frustrated. And that little spark grew, and grew larger and larger until it burned painfully in his chest; the most rage he had ever felt in his life was burning inside of him, and he wanted to scream.

That disgusting pig, that horrible man. He should've known that it was going to happen.

"Oh my…_Dios mío_…Lovino. I'm so sorry. _Qué horrible_!" Antonio stared at his sheets, angry tears burning at the corners of his eyes.

"Where are you?" he demanded suddenly, already jumping out of bed and switching on his lamp. "Lovino, where are you? Are you safe? Are you hurt?"

He suddenly became more aware of the sound of the heavy rain and cars rushing by. His heart raced as he struggled into an old pair of jeans crumpled on the floor and threw on a t-shirt hanging over his desk lamp.

"Lovino! Hello?" he cried frantically into the phone, cradling it between his shoulder and cheek as he hurriedly dressed himself.

"I'm…I'm so sorry Antonio." He said weakly, his voice trailing off as he spoke the other's name.

Antonio's eyes widened.

"No, no…no Lovino, stay with me. Stay with me, _hermano_. You need to tell me where you are. I'm going to come get you. Tell me where you are, Lovino!"

"I…at a playground…past…the old grocery store…near a….a…highway." Lovino gasped a little for breath after sputtering out the muddled sentence, his breathing sounding short and erratic.

"All right, all right. All right." Antonio chanted to himself, almost like a mantra, as he snatched his keys off of his small beside table. "Are you hurt?"

Lovino paused, as if to say something, and then let out a short, shaky breath. He hardly needed to answer for Antonio to know the truth.

Antonio felt a wave of ferocious anger wash over him that made him double over, feeling nauseated. Whoever had hurt Lovino…they were going to pay.

"Okay. Okay, Lovino. I need you to stay _exactly_ where you are, okay? Don't move. I'm going to come and get you. It's going to be okay." Antonio stopped briefly. It felt as if he wanted to say more, another word of assurance, but what could he say that wouldn't just be redundant? He was wasting time staying on the phone in his apartment when Lovino could be suffering from hypothermia in the dark at some abandoned park.

He settled on a simple goodbye, and rushed from his apartment, untied shoelaces fluttering behind him.

oOoOo

Antonio's heart raced and his stomach lurched as he raced down the fairly deserted highway in his battered Ford Focus.

All the while his thoughts raced alongside him, whizzing through his subconscious like angry, stinging sweat bees. The dizzying feel of anxiety and guilt continually bombarded him. He knew he should've tried harder to contact Lovino. The poor guy had no one else to talk to, and he'd practically abandoned him. Sure, Lovino had become more distant, but he shouldn't have given up. As far as he knew, he was the only one who Lovino could depend on, and he let him down.

It was his fault, all his fault.

Antonio felt sudden tears threaten at the corners of his eyes as he was gripped with fear; how badly was Lovino hurt? He pictured the teen, curled up on the ground, his frail form not even shivering with any signs of life, his face pale, his delicate eyelids closed forever.

He found himself gasping, wet, hot tears sliding down his cheeks.

No, _no. _He would _not _allow himself to think those thoughts! Lovino was going to be okay, he was going to come and get him. He had promised. And he would keep his promise.

Antonio squinted out of his window shield, struggling to see anything in the pitch blackness and heavy rain, his only defense being his beating window shield wipers and feeble high beams.

He knew of the grocery store Lovino had mentioned; it was the one he had told Antonio he worked at. Antonio was just following the direction he would to go toward town; he had never recalled passing any playground, but then again, he had never visited town—another thing he felt guilty about—after he had moved into his small apartment.

Antonio had moved in at the start of the previous year, his double shift jobs finally paying enough for him to buy a small, shitty apartment and commute so he could still attend classes. It wasn't that he didn't love his best friends, but the dorm life was painstakingly repetitive, and in that respect, _loud. _He understood Gilbert and Francis' insatiable lust for sex and partying, but surprisingly enough, Antonio was actually attending college to _learn. _He wanted to become a teacher.

The apartment wasn't much; it was small, quiet. To most it would be cramped, low-quality, and hardly suitable, but for Antonio it granted him just the right amount of solace, and he never had cared all that much about the size or quality of a house. Just as long as it suited his needs…

And one of those—maybe subconsciously, and maybe not—was to be closer to town. If he had been on campus when Lovino called, it would've taken him several hours to reach him. He was incredibly lucky.

Just when Antonio was beginning to lose hope, a seemingly nothing-filled terrain stretching on before him in the dark, something bounced the light of the high beams back at him. Antonio leaned forward, focusing on a metal pole emitting a dull shine, and then two, in the shape of a triangle, zooming towards him, growing larger, and then it occurred to him. It was a swing set.

Antonio slammed on the brakes instinctively, highly regretting it as he felt his body lurch forward, the seatbelt cutting sharply into his left shoulder and right hip. Groaning slightly, he turned into the playground, quickly putting the vehicle in park but leaving the headlights on. He struggled out of the car, leaving the door ajar behind him as he whipped his head around wildly, taking a few steps here and there as his eyes searched the edges of the dome of light cast by his headlights.

His heart beat wildly in his chest.

Nothing. There was nothing. Just a swing set. Just a rusty old slide. Just a skeleton of some long-forgotten jungle gym.

What other park could it be? How many abandoned roadside playgrounds could possibly exist in walking distance from Lovino's home town?

And then he saw it, a form he could've easily missed, skipped over with his frantic eyes and driven off without. It was just the measly outline, but as his eyes adjusted in the dark and pelting rain that was quickly soaking him through his thin t-shirt, it became clearer.

Antonio felt his breath catch in his throat as his eyes fell upon a thin, small, form curled up on a bench about 30 or so yards away. He broke out into a sudden sprint, almost tripping over himself in his haste to reach the huddled form.

Antonio gasped, his knees nearly buckling underneath him as he came across the sight of his friend. He fought the tears that were aching against his throat and eyes as he dropped to his knees next to the teenager, shaking hands reaching up to hold his cold, wet face.

Lovino was much thinner than he remembered; he could tell even through the hoodie that the teen was wearing, which was currently plastered to his skin. His face was pale, and there were dark circles beneath his eyes. Rainwater clung to his eyelashes and dripped delicately onto his cheeks, trailing down them like fresh tears.

He was shivering slightly, releasing small, uneven breaths, but he didn't appear to be awake.

"L-Lovino…oh God…" Antonio's voice came out as more of a ragged sob than he had planned, his hands shaking as he cupped Lovino's face, trembling at how chilled it was.

Clearing his throat and trying to regain his composure, he moved his hands to the teen's shoulders, shaking gently at first, and then with a bit more force, attempting to prop the other up as he did so.

A small groan of displeasure made its way past Lovino's parted lips, and Antonio's heart leapt. He let out a relieved cry, throwing his arms around the slowly awakening brunette.

"Wha…who…Antonio?" he heard the smaller teenager question weakly from beneath him, his shaking hands weakly making their way to Antonio's shoulders.

Antonio pulled back, a cheesy grin crossing his worried face.

"It's okay, it's okay Lovino. I'm here. You're gonna be fine." Antonio whispered, putting his hands on the sides of Lovino's face.

Lovino let out a hiss of pain in response, jerking back automatically as his eyes slid closed. Antonio was about to question his reaction when he began to notice details he had missed before in his panicked stupor.

Lovino's left cheek was slightly swollen, warmer to the touch than the rest of his face, and darkening into a large bruise. There was a small dribble of blood starting out of the corner of his lips, as well as the nearly washed away track from an old one, and some red stains visible on the white t-shirt peeking out from his sweatshirt.

Antonio felt the rage flare inside him…but no, he couldn't; he needed to get Lovino safe.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Lovino. But I need to get you out of here. I have to-" Antonio started, lifting the other into a sitting position by grabbing him under his arms, heaving the other up as gingerly as he could.

Lovino groaned slightly, his head lolling forward as he tried, uselessly, to help.

"Do you…do you think you can walk?" Antonio asked cautiously, applying more pressure to Lovino's armpits to gently help him stand up.

"Of course…I can…walk, y'idiot…" Lovino mumbled, batting flimsily at Antonio's hands and darting up in one swift motion, only to sway once and then unceremoniously fall towards the ground, had he not been caught by Antonio's arms which were still position beneath his.

Antonio's eyes were full of sympathy and regret, he couldn't even smile at Lovino's small attempt at humor; he had so many emotions coursing through him that the overwhelming situation seemed enough to shut his brain down.

"Okay…I need you to relax, I'm gonna carry you to the car." Antonio's voice was weak, but he managed to lock eyes, if only for a brief second, with the loopy teenager he was holding.

Lovino looked like he wanted to resist, but knew he hadn't the physical strength to do so, so instead he wrapped his arms shakily around the taller teen's neck, letting the rest of his body go limp.

Antonio slid his arms down to Lovino's waist, wrapping them around his back and starting to pull upwards when suddenly Lovino twisted away, letting out an agonized cry of pain, his eyes squeezed shut and his teeth clenched. Antonio floundered in confusion, his eyes wide.

"'S…nothing…side...h-hurts. Sorry." Lovino mumbled, his eyes still shut tight.

Antonio shivered, the cold rain had him soaking wet and frigid water was pooling on his collarbone and face. Thinking for a second, he dipped his arm down to lay against the back of Lovino's knees, using the other to cradle his back, and gently lifted the teen up in a sort of bridal carry.

Lovino seemed too out of it to really notice, (otherwise he probably would've thrown a fit) and shivered quietly, subconsciously curling in towards Antonio for body heat.

Antonio tightened his arms protectively around Lovino; he looked like an adorable, defenseless little kid again. Antonio would do everything in his power to protect him.

When Antonio reached the car he struggled slightly with the slippery door handle, eventually prying it open and gently laying Lovino's soaked body on the passenger's seat. He quickly shut the door and ran to the driver's side, diving in and blasting the heater up as high as it would go. Despite the fact that his fingers were nearly going numb, he turned all the vents on Lovino; who knew how long he'd been out there? Half an hour? An hour? Two hours? He could've died.

_He might _still _die if I don't get him warm enough soon, _Antonio suddenly thought, frantically switching into reverse and exiting the empty playground.

The entire drive there was spent with Antonio recklessly taking his eyes off the dangerous road several times to stare concernedly at the motionless Lovino. The teen's wet hair moved slightly from the warm breeze of the vent, but that was the only movement that Antonio could observe, other than the increasingly steady rhythm of his chest as he breathed.

That, at least, was a relief.

The rain hadn't let up in the slightest when they arrived at Antonio's apartment complex, and he could barely see as he stumbled through the rain and darkness of the parking lot, still clutching Lovino to his chest protectively, occasionally muttering quiet phrases of assurance, even if they were partly for himself.

Antonio had never been so happy that he lived on the first floor—it sucked the majority of the time, what with all the sound from upstairs, and the constant opening and closing of the major entry—which meant that he would not be carrying a limp teen up the stairs anytime soon.

Once he had managed to get into his apartment and turn the lights on, Antonio let out a sigh of relief as he lay the shivering and now slightly conscious brunette onto his bed. His lips had a blue tint to them, and his skin was very pale, Antonio observed.

"Oh no…oh no, oh no! Hypothermia…oh my God…okay. Okay. What do I do? A warm bath…no! Don't apply direct heat, that's not right…" Antonio paced around the room frantically, grabbing his head as he tried to recall his first aid class from so many years ago.

"Okay, wet clothes." Antonio raced to his small dresser, pulling out the warmest sweats he had, a pair of clean boxers, and socks and tossing them onto the bed, before walking over to where Lovino was laying and kneeling before him.

"Lovino…Lovino, _amor-_" Lovino stirred slightly, opening one lazy eyelid to gaze hazily at his former caretaker.

Antonio wasn't sure where the pet name had come from, but now was not the time to ponder such things.

"You need to take these clothes off. They're wet, and you're cold, and I think you might be getting hypothermia."

Antonio kept his voice controlled and calm, but nonetheless Lovino reacted as he'd expected, flailing his arms weakly and forcing his drooping eyelids open as he backed away from Antonio to the best of his ability.

"N-no…just…lemme…." Lovino whined, his voice trailing off and his words barely comprehensible through his chattering teeth and swollen lips and jaw. "sleep."

The way Lovino whispered the last word made Antonio's heart ache, and he put a hand softly to the other's cheek.

"It won't take long. I promised you I was gonna make everything better. And I will. You just have to trust me."

Lovino managed to open one of his eyes once more, and stared Antonio straight in his.

"I do."

The words were said with such conviction, such strength, that Antonio felt a rush of warmth in his chest, maybe from the familiarity of the determined voice, or perhaps from the clarity of those caramel eyes that locked with his.

_So those were the eyes I dreamt of…of course, Lovino. _

Antonio's mind began to drift back to that day, in the snow, with Lovino, and the oranges…He snapped back into reality immediately after, however, and began to unzip Lovino's jacket.

Now was no time to let his mind wander.

Lovino was already starting to drift off again, but this time with his teeth chattering violently. Antonio gently lifted his back off of the bedspread to peel the wet jacket off, tossing it behind him on a chair to dry. He winced when he saw the diffused blood stains on Lovino's white t-shirt, and carefully pulled the wet fabric up over his head.

He gasped as he took in the expanse of the teenager's torso, perfect, smooth, and unmarred skin, until it reached his right side, which was already covered in ugly yellow, purple, and black bruises, the skin broken in some places.

Antonio's face was contorted in horror as he gently ran his fingers over Lovino's ribs, taking in the true frailty of the poor, wonderful teenager.

Lovino twitched slightly under his touch, and Antonio realized he was shivering even harder, his breath sounding hitched and difficult.

Quickly and carefully, Antonio began to undo the button on Lovino's jeans, pulling down the zipper and starting to tug them off his hips. He looked up at the other's slightly flushed face, his breath coming in short wisps and gasps, and for a moment felt a foreign feeling that stopped his hands where they were. Well, it was a lie, he knew what the feeling was, but shoved it out of his mind as soon as it came, berating himself for thinking of _anything _other than Lovino's wellbeing at the present time.

Being as gentle as possible, Antonio began to strip the tightly-sewn fabric from Lovino's cold damp legs; the task was nearly impossible, seeing as it was already hard enough to take another guy's skinnies off without him being wet as well. (He should know—although he probably wouldn't admit it if asked)

Once he had finally finished peeling off Lovino's jeans, out of courtesy and sympathy, Antonio slipped the slightly large sweater over the shivering teen's head before removing his final garment. Again, being polite, Antonio looked away after shedding Lovino's underwear—he was sure the feisty teenager would have resisted, had he not been completely passed out—and quickly slipped the dry boxers onto his skinny hips, trying to avert his mind from staring at the wonderful shape of those hips, and the smooth thighs that jutted out beneath them.

After putting the sweat pants and socks on the younger teenager, Antonio picked him up and carefully moved him to the other, drier side of the bed, covering the still shivering teenager in sheets, and quickly going in search of his apartment for heavier blankets. After searching for a few minutes, he found some old woven blankets passed down from his _bisabuela _that his parents had sent with him to college. Running over to his bed he laid them over Lovino, tucking them in at the sides for good measure. Then he switched off the lights and plopped down cross-legged on the floor, grabbing his laptop and switching it on.

Once the desktop appeared and bathed Antonio's face in its familiar blue glow, it began to load the applications slowly. He drummed his fingers impatiently against the floor as he waited.

When the laptop was finally usable, he quickly pulled up a search engine and typed in, 'What do to if someone has hypothermia'.

He scrolled through a couple websites; most of them suggested to do just what he had done, along with body heat.

Well, he had promised he would make it better…and if it meant saving Lovino…

He began to climb onto the bed when he suddenly realized with discomfort that he was still in his soaking wet clothing. Sighing with exasperation, he quickly stripped down in the darkness and pulled on the pair of pajama pants he had been wearing previously.

He cautiously returned to the still somewhat-damp bed, climbing on gingerly and laying on his side next to Lovino. Carefully and slowly, he wrapped his arms around the teenager, pressing his torso to the now warming body near his own. He relaxed slightly when he realized Lovino was fast asleep, and wrapped his arms further around the other, tugging the teenager closer to him.

Lovino tensed slightly, and Antonio loosened his grip, afraid that he was intruding on Lovino's personal space. Lovino seemed to mutter something incomprehensible, before surprising Antonio by rolling over to face the older teenager and snuggling into his chest, curling up easily into the small space between them and nuzzling his face into his friend's chest.

Antonio lay perfectly still for at least a minute, trying to block out the thoughts that were swirling around his head at one hundred miles per hour.

And then, in a sudden instant, he didn't.

He let those thoughts flood his mind. He thought about how nice it felt to have Lovino's body against his own, and he thought about how wonderful it felt to feel both the gentle and sharp curves of Lovino's facial features against the sensitive skin on his chest. He thought about how soft Lovino's hair felt under his fingers as his hand reached up subconsciously to stroke it, and he thought about how exquisite the warm breath on his collarbone felt, and the slight shivers it sent up his spine.

And then suddenly, he realized with a start, he had wanted this for a while now. His body sort of collapsed when he pondered this; in an attempt to keep his own thoughts from sounding terribly trite inside his head, he couldn't help but admit that everything felt _just right,_ and the curve of Lovino's body fit his _just right,_ and the smell of rain and the texture of the scratchy woven blankets and the silky smooth strands of hair in his fingers and his arms wrapped around a wonderful, warm, living, breathing person felt _just right. _

Those were his last thoughts before he drifted off to sleep, but not before placing a gentle kiss to the top of Lovino's head.

oOoOo

Antonio dreamt of the day in the snow with the oranges again, but this time it was much more lucid.

He remembered what had inspired it. It was a snow day, years ago, back when Lovino was still in 8th grade. He had taken him and Feliciano out to the park, bathed in white fluff and glowing with the sort of radiance that only winter could bring.

Antonio had brought a paper bag, and in that bag were oranges for them to eat when they got hungry. He said to Lovino that he hadn't thought about it much, he had just grabbed them.

Lovino had laughed and said it reminded him of a poem called "Oranges", one that they'd read in English class. Antonio vaguely remembered it as well. A boy, with two oranges, buying chocolate for his love, in December.

Lovino had made a comment about him liking oranges better than chocolate anyway, and they had laughed, and had eaten them.

Everything else was just a concrete memory, like a short film or a series of photographs. He remembered the brilliant orange of the fruit, and he remembered how exquisitely rich the caramel color of Lovino's hair and the bright shine of his eyes were against the bright white snow. It had been a memory stored in his brain for all this time, and it had come out as quite a beautiful dream.

He awoke at around three in the morning, lying still with Lovino in his arms for at least half an hour before grudgingly pulling himself away. His brain was awake, and now he needed to think.

Lovino grumbled cutely and curled up closer to the spot where Antonio had been laying, sighing contentedly and nuzzling his face into the sheets.

Antonio found himself staring at the teenager for more than a healthy amount of time before shaking his head groggily and walking from the bedroom.

Sighing, he shuffled his way to the kitchen, stretching his lanky arms high above his head before making his way to the deity of the room: his coffee machine.

Antonio leaned against the faux marble counter and listened to the comforting drip of the coffee maker as he pondered his situation. He wondered if he should take Lovino to the hospital…not so much for the self-diagnosed hypothermia, but from what he had seen of the teenager's torso, well, he was no expert, but he wouldn't be surprised if Lovino had a broken rib…or a few.

Antonio massaged the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger as the rage grew inside him.

How dare that horrible, disgusting, sickening man…how _dare_ he touch his Lovino.

_Wait, _mine? He thought suddenly, his hand sliding down to cover his lips as his brow furrowed. _What on earth am I-_

"Antonio?" Lovino's voice called from the entryway of the bedroom into the joint living room and kitchen, interrupting Antonio's thoughts.

Antonio whipped his head around quickly, jumping away from the counter and letting out a small hiss as the cheap plastic detached its suction-like hold from his stomach.

Lovino stood by the couch, looking down at his feet and fidgeting slightly as he played with the drawstring on the sweatpants Antonio had given him. His hair was slightly mussed, and his eyes looked tired. The too-large sweater he was wearing was falling off of one shoulder, revealing a slightly tanned glimpse of shoulder and collarbone.

Antonio had to physically will his eyes away from the smooth expanse of skin and focus on the other's face.

"Ye…yes?" he answered, his hand moving up to rub at the back of his neck automatically.

He really hated that.

"Um…" Lovino started, his eyes darting up to glance at Antonio and then quickly back down again as he shifted his weight from one foot to another. "Thanks. For…everything."

Lovino opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something else, but instead stayed still.

Antonio strode over to him, gently holding his shoulders and attempting to look Lovino in the eyes.

"Of course, I couldn't just leave you there! You should've called me sooner Lovino…How are you feeling? Are you dizzy? Are you hurt? What kind of question is that, of course you're hurt!" Antonio rattled off quickly, hardly leaving any room for Lovino to say anything.

Lovino looked up at him, an eyebrow slightly cocked.

"I'm…I'm okay. I just…" he let out a shaky sigh, running his hand through his hair as he slightly lowered himself to sit on the couch.

Antonio calmed down slightly, licking his lips nervously and sitting in a chair across from Lovino. He looked down at his hands, and then back up at the teenager, staring intently at him.

"Lovino, what happened?" he asked softly, tilting his head and putting a hand on his friend's comfortingly.

Lovino let out a long breath, which ended—to Antonio's surprise—in a bitter chuckle of sorts. Then Lovino bit his bottom lip, a pensive look on his face, and leaned forward slightly, glancing up at Antonio.

"It's…a long story."

* * *

**More to come...two more chapters, I think. Unless I combine them into a monster chapter.**

**No, I don't think I'll do that.**

**Btw- if you want to look up that poem I mentioned it's called "Oranges" by Gary Soto.**

**Cheers!**


	8. The Realization

Merry Christmas you adorable bitches!

**[READ THIS!] So. ANNOUNCEMENT: As I'm sure you're all well aware, there's only one more chapter left in this here story of mine, that's been going for two years. I just wanted to thank you all for your support, I know I take forever to update, so, I thought to myself, How can I thank these lovely people?**

**Well, here's what I'm gonna do. If I can get 300 reviews by January 6th, 2012 (assuming the world doesn't blow up), I will post the final chapter immediately thence, AAAND I WILL DO A DRAMATIC READING OF A CHAPTER OF YOUR CHOSING AND POST IT ON YOUTUBE.**

**well, any chapter except the last one, because there will be sex, and I'm not reading porn on youtube (:**

I'll post a poll, if the reviews get to that number. Now, the story already has 210 reviews...so I believe in you guys. I want to show you how much I love you and how thankful I am for your support. heart. (:

so read and review! (((:

* * *

Initially, Lovino found it immensely hard to utter a single word, looking up into Antonio's honest, concerned, and caring eyes. How could he tell him all the horrible things he'd done? Would he lose all respect for Lovino?

However, gradually, as Lovino began to recount the last two or so years of his life and the activities he'd been filling his spare time with, he couldn't help but feel significantly lighter; relieved, even as Antonio's face retained a sympathetic expression, but often contorted in shock, anger, or—worst of all—sorrow. And honestly, with how long he'd been holding it all in, he couldn't simply _omit _certain parts of the story. He shared every last detail with Antonio, from the dangerously wild experimentation to the aching and deep depression that seemed to have shattered his set of morals.

Well, every detail except one—he could not yet gather up the courage to tell Antonio how he truly felt about him, and tell him how much he really meant—not after the other had been so kind to him. He felt as though imparting onto him the knowledge of his smitten-state would only further bewilder the young man and make him feel all the more responsible for Lovino's condition.

When Lovino had gotten to the point of describing (in detail) the moment his father walked into the house, his voice dropped to a lower pitch than it had at any point in his lengthy and passionate admittance, and, unbeknownst to him, he began to tremble.

Antonio's eyes shone with worry and a sort of discomfort that implied he knew what was coming, and leaned over across the space between the two young men, placing his hand over Lovino's comfortingly, his large, warm palm fitting quite perfectly over the other's chilled, slender fingers. Lovino felt his stomach jump excitedly with what had to be the essence of pre-pubescent butterflies, but ignored the feeling, assuming that he would simply have to get used to the fact that the same wonderful feeling coursed through his veins every time Antonio touched him.

"Lovino…please, tell me what happened." Antonio said in a tone quieter and more serious than Lovino had ever heard him speak in, but it still twanged with sympathy, which made Lovino feel a sharp pull of guilt and regret in his chest.

"He…he walked in and saw us. I tried to push Keith off, I did. But he had is shirt off, God, for Chrissakes. I was so stupid," Lovino paused, using his free hand to run messily through his hair, and then pinch at the bridge of his nose, connecting the twin dark bags that hung beneath his tired, caramel eyes. "He saw us and…he scared Keith away, which was expected."

Lovino let out a bitter laugh.

"He's probably scared as shit now, and will tell everyone about my psycho dad. I guess that means no more being a booty call."

Antonio frowned, clearly uncomfortable with Lovino calling himself such a self-disparaging term, but squeezed his hand in reassurance, ushering him to go on.

"He didn't beat him up or anything though, that was good…" Lovino trailed off, rubbing at the back of his neck absently; a trait he had picked up from Antonio.

A unreadable expression flitted briefly across the latter's face in response to Lovino's words, and Antonio then made a contemplative face and opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it, as if carefully considering his word-choice.

"So…this boy, _Keith,_" Antonio started (and if Lovino wasn't mistaken, it almost sounded like there was an air of malice in his former caretaker's pronunciation of the boy's name), "He's not your boyfriend or anything? You haven't had an actual boyfriend, just these people who…who…use you?"

Lovino looked down at his hands in response, a wave of self-hatred washing over him.

"I didn't mean- Lovino, I just mean to say, you deserve a lot better…" Antonio trailed off, his eyes looking weary but sincere as he gazed up at Lovino. "But please- I know it's hard, but tell me more about what your father did. I need to know how serious your injuries are."

Over the next hour, Lovino hesitantly and quietly told Antonio—in detail—all of the events that had led up to the young man finding him in his lowly state at the playground. Lovino hated pity, and was glad to see that at most, Antonio's expressions held anger, compassion, and sympathy, but not useless pity.

After he had finished, there was a long pause, in which Antonio looked down, his lips pressed into a tight line, before he finally spoke:

"First, I think we should take you to the hospital. It's very possible that one or more of your ribs is broken," Antonio started, looking straight forward at Lovino with a controlled and leveled gaze.

When it appeared that Lovino had no protests to his first statement, Antonio continued.

"After that, you'll stay here—you'll probably be tired, because I'm going to make sure you get some pain meds, whether anything is broken or not—and I'm going to go to your house and pick up some clothes and other things for you. I don't want you going there; it's not safe for you."

Lovino opened his mouth to protest, feeling somewhat indignant at this proposal, but Antonio pushed on, his voice stern but calm.

"I know that's not what you want, but I have always been responsible for your wellbeing, and I feel that now more so than ever. I'm not taking you back to the place that did this to you," Antonio paused for a moment, his eyes far off as his hand reached up to brush gently against Lovino's swollen jaw.

Lovino stiffened, the sound of blood pumping reverberating in his ears. Antonio didn't seem to notice what he was doing at the moment, but quickly came back to reality and dropped his hand somewhat awkwardly, averting his eyes momentarily and coughing.

"A-and…and if your parents lose all respect for me and ban me from their house, so be it. I've already lost all respect for them."

Antonio's jaw tightened, and his fingers clenched and unclenched. Lovino had never seen him work so hard to control his anger—or even appear to _be _so angry, for that matter.

"And I'll take you to school in the mornings, at least until…we get this all worked out. You're staying with me until I know it's safe for you to go back home."

Lovino opened his mouth to say a thank you, but suddenly, looking into Antonio's concerned eyes, and realizing how much the man was doing for him, he found himself speechless. How could he possibly express his gratitude for Antonio's compassion and generosity? His throat suddenly felt dry, and, embarrassingly, he felt tears gathering in his eyes again.

"Tonio- I-" Lovino's voice came out scratchy and choked up, and his vision became blurry.

Antonio's determined expression immediately softened, and he smiled slightly, and without warning, surged forward to envelope Lovino tightly in his arms. It was everything Lovino needed—strong, reassuring, comforting. Lovino slowly wrapped his arms around Antonio's shoulders, letting out a deep sigh. Antonio spoke quietly into Lovino's hair.

"It's okay. I know."

oOoOo

"Well…you have two broken ribs, and your ankle appears to be mildly sprained. Your jaw is fine, there's just a lot of bruising. I'm giving you some Vicodin for those ribs. Take one every four hours, and change your bandages regularly, you need to keep pressure on them."

Lovino nodded and gazed feebly at the doctor who stood before him, absently rubbing his arm. He sat on a hospital bed with only his jeans on; his upper torso was bare save for the white gauze wrapped around it. He could feel Antonio's eyes fixed intently on him, and tried not to flush, knowing that the man was only concerned.

A pretty dark-skinned nurse entered the room, and murmured something quietly to the doctor. He nodded, his expression calm, and turned back toward Antonio and Lovino.

"I'll be right back. Ana here will write your prescription for you," he said, and strode briskly out the door.

The nurse smiled at the two men before quickly transferring the prescription from the clipboard on the side of the bed to a small sheet of paper already signed by the doctor.

"Here Lovi, I'll help you get up," Antonio said, quickly crossing the small room to carefully sling an arm around Lovino, helping him stand on only one foot.

Lovino suddenly felt the pressure on his ribs increase as his position changed, and temporarily squeezed his eyes shut, hissing quietly in pain.

Antonio's eyes widened in concern.

"Lovi? Are you alright? Do you need me to carry you?"

Lovino looked over at the nurse, who was still looking down, but her face wore a knowing smile. His face burned with embarrassment, and he swatted at the other hand Antonio offered.

"Oh, shut up. I'm fine. You're embarrassing me," Lovino muttered, starting to hop along stubbornly.

When he looked back at Antonio, the other man was beaming, and caught up with him quickly, supporting his weight. As the three of them walked down the hallway, Antonio spoke again.

"I haven't even begun to embarrass you," he said, grinning mischievously as they reached the front desk to sign out. "Excuse me miss—Ana, don't you think this handsome young man deserves a lollipop for being _so _brave?"

Lovino's jaw dropped in shock and his face burned bright as he slapped Antonio hard on the arm, who was just offering his most charming smile to the nurse who had assisted them.

The nurse was giggling, her eyes shining with amusement as she reached under the desk.

"Actually, I think we might have one here…" she said with a smile, handing Lovino a cherry-flavored lollipop. "You two are a very cute couple. You have a good day."

The nurse Ana smiled at them one last time before turning her attention to her pager, and then rushing off in the opposite direction.

Lovino swallowed, his face redder than ever, and stared down at his lollipop, biting his lip.

"U-um, so…I think we should go now," he murmured very quietly, chancing a small peek at Antonio, whose cheeks were also red as he looked the other way and nodded in agreement.

The trip back to the parking lot was one of the most awkward of Lovino's life.

oOoOo

Lovino had never taken such strong painkillers in his life, in all honesty, had never really taken anything stronger than Advil. He remembered that he spent a lot of time sleeping in Antonio's bed, feeling guilty seeing as the other currently occupied the couch.

He slept several hours a day, and thus time became very muddled; he only had small spots of memory, times where he called out for Antonio in the middle of the night, or had strange dreams that seemed to last for days, or the soothing and tingling touches of Antonio's fingers as he replaced his bandages for him. He may have released some sighs of contentment as he was cared for, but he could hardly remember, nor did his drug-induced stupor allot him the shame necessary to feel embarrassed for doing so.

After about a week (Antonio had called the school to inform them and come to pick up his books, this was all Lovino had picked up about what Antonio had taken the liberty of doing, although, if the fact that he was wearing his own pajamas was any indication, Antonio had obviously already visited his house as well) Lovino's dosage had decreased, and, disgusted with himself, he took an extra-long shower and brushed his teeth twice before getting dressed in a t-shirt and jeans and retreating from the cove of Antonio's bedroom.

Lovino shuffled lazily into the kitchenette, golden sunlight filtering through the grubby windows in flecks, scintillating onto the floor and counter.

Antonio turned around at his nearer presence, laying his back against the faux marble counter and propping his elbows up, taking a sip from his mug of tea.

Lovino had to force his eyes away from the smooth and flat, but still well-defined expanse of Antonio's chest and stomach that was flattered greatly by his simple, crew-cut long-sleeve shirt. Honestly, it was like he was thirteen years old again. He felt pathetic.

Grumbling to himself, he slowly made his way to one of the cabinets, stretching his arm upwards a bit to open it. He felt a strain on his ribs and hissed quietly, his cheeks heating up when he turned around and saw Antonio already leaning forward in concern. Honestly, he was not a handicap, and he felt embarrassed by all the assistance the other man insisted on giving him.

"Do you want some help?" he asked quietly, taking another sip from his tea.

Turning away, Lovino frowned slightly, and answered, "No, I can do it…"

Rocking slightly up to the balls of his feet he reached gingerly upward, and realizing he wasn't tall enough, decided to gamble his luck and reached his arm its full expanse. However, no sooner had he done so when he felt a sharp, debilitating stab of pain in his ribs and with a gasped, "ah!" crumpled downwards, sending the glass that he had managed to get in his grasp crashing to the floor, where it shattered.

Lovino felt his face burn with embarrassment, hot tears threatening at his eyes when Antonio rushed over, first attending to Lovino before the shards of glass that now shattered the floor.

"Lovino! Are you okay? I'm so sorry, I should've helped you!" Antonio said breathlessly, his eyes concernedly searching Lovino's.

Lovino, in response, simply looked down, the throbbing in his chest subsiding to a dull ebb.

"No…I'm sorry…I'm sorry I'm breaking your things, and I'm sorry I'm such a burden…" Lovino muttered, his voice lacking and spirit and filled with lament as he fell to his knees next to the already seated Antonio and began to pick up shards of glass from the floor and collect them in his hand.

"Lovino,_ querída, _how could you ever think that you're a burden? It's fine, it's alright. It's just a glass, and you are more important, you should know that-"

Antonio stopped when he heard Lovino's sharp intake of breath, and tutted when he saw the tiny orb of blood that pooled on his palm, seeing that he had managed to stab himself. Sighing with a small smile, he took the other's hand in his own, with a tenderness that was his person, and examined it closely.

Grabbing the first aid kit from a cabinet behind him (he always kept it close and accessible, for he was a man of many accidents) he slid his fingers into a loose grip around Lovino's wrist and pulled out a band aid and some disinfectant.

A heavy silence filled the sun-streaked room as Antonio focused intently on removing the small shard of glass from Lovino's hand.

Lovino, in the meantime, was trying to control his rapid heart rate and the involuntarily blush that colored his cheeks as Antonio moved—no doubt unaware, as usual—ever closer to the other's face the harder he concentrated. He quickly and skillfully swiped the small amount of blood away, added disinfectant, and smoothed the band aid (which was, it should be noted, a lovely shade of green) onto Lovino's palm.

"There. See? You're good," Antonio chuckled, his hand briefly ruffling through Lovino's hair; it was an innocent enough gesture, but it practically made Lovino shake with frustration and longing.

Lovino stared intently at the ground, mumbling a "thank you", before mentally berating himself for acting so immature. How long could this go on for…he needed to just…to just…try.

He looked up, cautiously, and almost gasped at what he saw. Antonio looked practically Adonis-like, his angular and romantic features glowing with golden light against his tan skin, his dark chocolate hair gushing the sunlight back in rich waves, and of course, his brilliant green eyes swimming with something—some emotion he couldn't name—but better yet, they were staring intently into Lovino's, and they held an emotion that reflected something much deeper than his friendly, lazy smile.

Lovino's heart suddenly raced, in the manner that one's heart does right before they make a rather rash decision. And Lovino was sure of this decision, which now seemed impossible to go back on. His words came out rather rushed, as a result.

"Thanks for…giving me a green band aid," he began lamely, but picked up again quickly, bravely holding the other's gaze as he continued. "Green is my favorite color. In the world."

Antonio gave a bemused smirk, one eyebrow arching itself. "Alright, you're welcome. I didn't know you liked it that much, but I'm glad you do."

_God, he's so…perfect. _Lovino thought, biting his lip.

He slowly leaned forward as he spoke his next words, doing so as surreptitiously as possible, as to not draw attention to it too soon.

"Green...is a wonderful color, and, and- and honestly, I didn't really like it before. But now, I love it. I adore it, actually…" Lovino spoke confidently, although he was nearly breathless by the end of his sentence, his face nearing less than a foot away from Antonio's.

The smirk on Antonio's face faded, in turn, but a slightly amused and very interested expression remained, his chest also seeming to rise and fall the smallest bit faster than it had been before. His eyes still held the deep emotion from before, but it seemed to be almost intensified, as if screaming out to Lovino what Antonio refused to say.

"And why would that be?" Antonio quipped, but it lacked bite, retaining more of a breathless wonder-like quality.

Lovino's lips were barely two inches away from Antonio's when he spoke again, his heart pounding thunderously in his ears, and his face searing with color, but he stubbornly refused to break eye contact.

"Because it's the color of your eyes," he whispered breathlessly, swallowing slightly.

Neither one of them appeared to breath in the moment after that, and it was only in the moment that when Antonio broke eye contact, his green orbs flickering swiftly down to Lovino's mouth and then back up to his eyes, the same intense emotion shining out at him, that Lovino surged forward—precautions aside—and connected his lips soundly with Antonio's, immediately raising a hand to cup his cheek tenderly.

Antonio's lips were stock-still against Lovino's, and Lovino's stomach began to churn with anxiety. Had he read Antonio wrong? Maybe he had been too excited, acted on his own emotions…but he was sure, from the way Antonio had looked at his lips, and the look in his eyes…he had been so sure that Antonio wanted him too.

Dejected, Lovino pulled away, looking down with his brow furrowed, an apology already forming on his lips. He looked up shyly, and was surprised to see Antonio watching him still, his cheeks dusted with red.

"I…shouldn't….I shouldn't…" Antonio muttered incomprehensible, raising a hand to cup Lovino's cheek the way the other had only seconds ago. "I can't explain why…you do this to me…"

Lovino's eyes widened, and before he could answer, Antonio's lips were on his again, kissing tenderly. He was glad he was sitting, because the way Antonio's lips moved languidly and softly against his would've surely caused his knees to buckle if he was standing.

His hands trembling, Lovino reached up, rapping his hands around Antonio's shoulders and pulling him closer, turning his face sideways and humming softly. The heat from Antonio's body hovering over him—and, when did that happen?—was stifling, and Lovino felt his skin go up in goose bumps.

He didn't question the warm sunlight on his legs, or the broken glass that was still scattered on the floor—he didn't question the warm hands holding him, or high that his euphoria and a bit of pain medication still in his system was giving him—Lovino knew not to question a good thing.

* * *

review review review!


	9. Nowhere in the World

Agh! Sorry this is two days late, guys. ): I had school stuff, as usual, but I really wanted to make this chapter special, since it's technically the last (I am going to write a short epilogue, but no sexy tiems in that.) I didn't want to rush it, ya know?

But anyway, wow! I can't believe it's almost done. Two years in the making! I don't wanna say too much now, because I'm gonna say all my thank yous in the video, mentioning some reviewers by name who I've seen a lot of. (:

**Concerning the video-the poll is up! I'm not gonna post it till I get some more votes, so come on guys! It's on my profile, GO VOTE for which chapter you want to hear a reading of!**

Anyway, smut ahead, so beware ;)

* * *

Lovino sighed into the kiss, his breath quivering slightly as he felt Antonio's warm hand slide from his neck to his shoulder, and then down his arm. Trembling as heat overcame his senses; he dropped his hand and moved closer, and promptly landed his palm on a less damaging, but still pricking piece of glass, and cried out into the other's mouth, pulling away out of instinct. He blushed as he realized what he had done, looking down at the floor, and then shyly back up at Antonio.

Antonio's eyes were wide as realization seemed to sink into them, panic seeping into his features.

"Oh. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry, Lovino…that was," he scrambled to get to his feet, slipping slightly in his haste on the shards and holding onto the counter for support. "Entirely, en-entirely inappropriate of me. I don't—I'm sorry."

Lovino felt his heart sink in his chest, struggling to get to his feet as well; he firmly braced one of Antonio's arms in his hand, and stared unwaveringly at the elder. He had gotten this far, and he sure as well wasn't going to just let the man of his dreams get away.

"No…No, Antonio, it really wasn't," he started, his voice remaining resolute although fear wracked his frame. "I wanted it. I…still do. And…I think, if it's not too assuming of me to say it…you want it too."

Antonio's eyes flashed bright with the same emotion Lovino had seen before, but it quickly faded, as the older of the two covered his eyes with his hand, his expression weary as he spoke.

"Lovino, you are a wonderful young man…and…you've got so much going for you, and I understand, I do! I'm kind to you, and you feel a lot of gratitude towards me. But that's it; it's not even a crush. I'd be—I _was _taking advantage of you, and I'm so sorry. I hope you can forgive me."

Antonio looked utterly miserable, the bags beneath his eyes—caused by caring so lovingly for Lovino over the past week—were suddenly much too prominent, and Lovino felt a pang of guilt that washed over the frustration of Antonio's complete misunderstanding.

"Antonio, that's not—" he started, but Antonio cut him off again, this time with a small hint of anger directed towards Lovino, for perhaps the first time since he'd stayed there.

"Lovino, stop it! I am…too old for you. And I know, being a teenager, you have…_urges. _But you may regret just taking them out on me when you feel no romantic connection whatsoever!"

_Slap. _

Antonio's mouth opened in a wide 'o' after Lovino's palm made contact with his left cheek.

Silence reigned supreme in the short second of shock that followed; Lovino doubted that either of them could've seen that coming. The immediate confusion in Antonio's eyes, however, was what awoke the rage inside of Lovino.

"_You couldn't possibly know what I want,_" Lovino whispered, livid. "I have been through enough _shit _to know the difference between _urges _and what it means to want someone with all of your being, Antonio. As you may remember, I've been practically whoring myself out over the past couple years."

Antonio cringed, but continued to listen, his indignation from being slapped setting in as his lips formed into a tight line.

"Don't patronize me. Don't speak to me like you could possibly know what I want. You're the one…who-" Lovino paused, his eyes squeezing shut in absolute rage and anguish as he attempted to calm himself. "The one who was too _oblivious _to notice that I've been in _love _with you since fucking _middle school!_"

Antonio's jaw dropped for the second time, his deep green eyes shining with such a vast mix of emotions that Lovino could barely pick out any of them. Slowly, calculatingly, Antonio's mouth closed, and his eyes fell to the side, and then returned back to Lovino's, looking unsure, unbelieving.

"You…" he began, biting his lip. "So it was…the one you were talking about...Oh…oh my God. This…you mean….this is all my fault!"

Lovino looked down, but did not deny the statement.

"Oh Lovi…" Antonio's head fell, hanging low about his shoulders. "I'm-I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I'm so sorry this-"

"I don't want your pity!" Lovino cut him off, his eyes burning bright with emotion. "That is _not _what I want."

Antonio chewed on the inside of his cheek, clearly thinking out his response. His cheeks seemed a bit colored.

"U-Um…But, I'm…not interested?"

It was the lamest response Lovino could've gotten.

"Bullshit," he said plainly, finally moving from his defensive position behind the counter and closer to Antonio, although his eyes shone slightly with hesitance. "You…you may not have initiated it, but you sure as hell didn't seem too bothered when I kissed you. You kissed back."

Antonio swallowed and turned his head.

Fuming, Lovino took the last few steps forward and grabbed his jaw roughly, forcing the other to look into his face.

"Don't tell me…don't tell me you felt nothing at all."

Despite his hostility, Lovino's voice came out weak and unsure. He was laying the intense feelings he had had for _years _on the line now.

Antonio sighed, and to Lovino's surprise, the breath came out of his mouth in a broken quiver. Lovino loosened his hold on Antonio's jaw, changing it to a tender embrace of his cheek.

"I…that's what I'm afraid of. Lovino…" Antonio took another deep breath. "Ever since…Ever since the last time I stayed at your house, I've—I've felt an attraction to you. I tried to deny it to myself. I tried so hard to tell myself it was wrong."

Lovino's heart pounded in his chest. Could this be real? Could this actually be real?

"Why?" he demanded of the other, his eyebrows knitting together in frustration. "Why the hell would you tell yourself that? Weren't you always telling me that it's _okay _to be gay? That I should love whoever I want?"

"Yes!" Antonio hissed, beginning to raise his voice in desperation. "I know what I said! But this isn't a normal situation, Lovino! For God's sake—I was your babysitter! Having feelings for you…it just, it feels so wrong!"

"FOUR FUCKING YEARS AGO!" Lovino shouted, coming nose to nose with Antonio, breathing heavily.

Antonio stood still, obviously shocked at the outburst. Lovino closed his eyes slightly, willing himself to calm down before he continued.

"I am not a child, Antonio. I am seventeen years old, and you are _not _that much older than me. I understand that it may be strange because you once looked after me as a child, but neither of us are children anymore. Besides, I always had the impression that you thought of me as an equal. Was I wrong?"

"Of course not!" Antonio replied quietly, his eyes swimming with compassion. "I always did."

"Well, good. So give me one reason why we can't be together, Antonio," Lovino said quietly, staring into the other's eyes.

Lovino wasn't sure how long the silence lasted between the two as they simply stood there, Antonio with his back pressed against the counter, Lovino cornering him, with the sunlight streaming in through the windows and illuminating the glittering shards on the ground, and warming their backs.

And finally, Antonio spoke, his voice barely above a whisper as his lips brushed Lovino's.

"I can't."

And before Lovino could exclaim or even smile in triumph, Antonio's lips crashed messily against his, his hands trailing down his sides. Lovino felt his breath stutter, but kissed back fiercely, running a hand through Antonio's thick, dark curls and tugging. Antonio groaned in response, a deep, primal sound that made Lovino feel a bit lightheaded as a wave of heat washed over his body.

Antonio's hands finally reached his hips, and with a light squeeze, he suddenly spun them both around, reversing their position so that Lovino's back was against the counter. Lovino gasped slightly, finding his bearings again and sliding his hands low on Antonio's back, feeling the delicious heat radiating from the Spaniard's skin, even through his shirt.

The kiss was getting increasingly messy, and Antonio's lips trailed hungrily over his jaw, and then up and down his neck in a loving, ferocious pattern.

Lovino's head fell back and he moaned airily, his fingers digging into Antonio's back as he pulled the other's heat closer. Antonio's lips closed over a particularly sensitive spot in this junction between his neck and shoulder, and he cried out lightly as the older of the two sucked a hickey into the skin.

Antonio's hands fell dangerously low on his stomach then, making butterflies—and another familiar feeling—dance around his stomach, and Antonio slid them up toward Lovino's chest, taking the soft cotton up with them.

Antonio stood back to observe Lovino, taking in the slightly flushed cheeks, the stretched out shirt that had fallen off his shoulder, covered in hickeys, and the olive-toned expanse of stomach. Smiling hungrily, he grabbed Lovino's ass, unexpectedly, and hiked the other up so that he was sitting on the counter. Lovino let out an indignant yelp at being manhandled, but was cut off as Antonio returned promptly to ravaging his neck, sliding his hands farther and farther up Lovino's bare chest under his shirt, leaving a searing trail of lust and heat behind.

Lovino moaned, struggling to get his arms around himself and pull his shirt off. He heard Antonio chuckle at his hasty actions and blushed, his brow knitting, but he quickly relaxed as he felt Antonio's hands slide up his naked chest and sides, arching his back into the touch. He squeezed his thighs tightly around Antonio's hips, and slid his hands down to cover his ass, pushing the other closer so that the front of their pants brushed together.

Lovino froze, biting his lip as his neck stiffened in pleasure. It was honestly ridiculous. He had done so much more with other people, but with Antonio he could feel everything; every little touch and kiss sent a spike of heat and wanton desire straight down between his legs.

He looked back up at Antonio as he felt warm fingers brush his face—and found himself blushing; Antonio's pupils were dilated with lust, and a very thin sheen of sweat shone on his forehead. Still, his eyes seemed to ask permission, which Lovino found hilarious, seeing as he couldn't think of anything more he wanted at the moment than to be ravaged by this gorgeous man.

Lovino smiled in affirmation, trailing his index finger up Antonio's spine. He wore a satisfied smirk when he felt the other tremble underneath his touch.

That smirk was quickly wiped off, however, as he felt Antonio's palm flatten against the front of his jeans, applying pressure to his quickly growing erection.

Moaning unabashedly, he jerked his hips up into the hand, throwing his head back without any reservations, tossing it side to side as Antonio began to rub at the bulge.

"Oh-Oh _God,_ Antonio. F-fuck," Lovino whined, dragging his blunt fingernails down Antonio's back.

Frustrated, he began to pull at the other's shirt, trying desperately to rip it off even as he was assaulted by pleasure in his lower half. Antonio laughed a bit breathlessly, pulling back briefly to pull the shirt over his head. Lovino missed the loss of heat, but was certainly glad to have Antonio shirtless. Very glad, indeed, in fact. Lovino couldn't help but gawk at the nicely defined and tanned abs of the other, feeling his pants become tighter just at the sight.

Considering things for a moment, he hopped off the counter, grabbing Antonio by the back of the neck and forcing him down into a long, wet kiss. He felt Antonio's groans vibrating through his throat and moaned in response, hitching a thigh up around one of Antonio's hips.

"_Bed,_" he managed to choke out, grabbing at Antonio's wrist and pulling him towards the small bedroom.

The two stumbled through the apartment, stopping at random moments to kiss against a wall or rut into eachother in the doorframe. When they finally reached the bedroom a flurry of limbs and clothing ensued, until the two were pressed flushed against eachother on the mattress, Lovino straddling Antonio as the other stroked his hands up and down his sides.

Seeking vengeance, Lovino kissed down his neck and chest, muttering sweet nothings when his mouth wasn't occupied.

"Want you…so long…so long…love you…" he muttered between kisses, stopping only when he felt Antonio's gentle hand on his hair, to which he looked up.

Antonio's eyes were smoldering with emotion, his cheeks flushed and a small smile adorning his lips.

"Lovino…te amo también."

Lovino flushed, recalling his dream from so many years ago, and attacked Antonio's lips again, rolling his hips painfully slowly against Antonio's. Both of them moaned at the contact of their naked lengths, and Antonio growled, flipping them over in one smooth moment and ravaging Lovino's already abused neck.

Pulling back, he ran his hands down Lovino's chest, his eyes raking over the expanse of his body.

"You're beautiful, Lovi. Estás tan hermoso," he whispered, rubbing his thumb over Lovino's jutting hipbone and making the younger man shudder and arch his back.

Antonio arced his body over Lovino's, finally taking them both in his hand and pumping slowly.

Lovino choked on air, his body nearly going into convulsions at the feeling of Antonio's searing length in a line against his, and his warm, large fingers around them both.

Attempting not to cry out, he bit the inside of his cheek until it bled, his breath coming out in short gasps. That was, until he suddenly felt Antonio's hot breath on his neck, and then on his ear.

"It's okay. You don't have to be quiet," he began, giving them both a tight squeeze. "_You can scream._"

Lovino moaned deep in his throat, bucking hips upward and wrapping both of his legs tightly around Antonio's.

Antonio moaned as well, his hand moving faster as he ground his hips down on Lovino's. Lovino could feel the heat coiling in his stomach and dug his nails into Antonio's back.

"Oh…Oh Antonio…so close…f-fuck…" he mumbled, feeling light-headed.

"_Mierda_…_Díos_…"

With one final tug Lovino saw stars, feeling his hips jerk erratically as he came. He wasn't even bothered by the warm stickiness that coated both of their stomachs as he rode out the most powerful orgasm he had ever had.

After a few moments Antonio collapsed on top of him, their sweaty stomachs molding together perfectly with every curve of hip, rib and stomach. Finally Antonio rolled off of him, pulling him into his arms.

Lovino stared at the other's chest for at least 5 minutes afterward, both of them remaining silent as their breathing calmed. Finally, shyly, Lovino looked up into bright green eyes, that to his surprise, were already staring at him.

Blushing crimson, he couldn't help the slow, goofy smile that spread across his face.

Antonio wore a matching one, and ruffled Lovino's hair in response.

Laughing, Lovino swatted the hand away.

"God, you bastard. Why did it have to be you?" he asked playfully, tracing a finger over Antonio's collarbone. "I love you."

oOoOo

And when Lovino awoke a few hours later from his _siesta,_ with strong, tanned arms still wrapped around him, he knew there was nowhere else in the world he'd rather be.

* * *

love you all!


	10. Epilogue

Lovino stared at the vibrating phone in his hands, his breath caught in his throat and a sick feeling rising in his stomach as he took in the name and number flitting feebly across the screen.

His mother was calling him. Nearly a whole week after he'd been beaten brutally, halfway to death by his father, kicked out of the house, and left to die on his own, he was being contacted by someone in his family. He wondered if he should even answer; maybe if she thought he was dead that would be the end of it: they'd go on pretending they'd never had another son and would be content with their lives. Lovino glanced over at Antonio across the room, he was sitting cross-legged on the floor, his face a mere foot from the screen of an old boxy television, his eyes moving quickly with the soccer players on the screen as he muttered incomprehensibly. The corner of Lovino's mouth twitched up in a smile. But this was something he had to handle himself.

He quietly walked into the adjoining bedroom, sitting gingerly on the mattress and hesitating for one more moment before answering his phone. He did not speak.

"…Lovino?" his mother's voice sounded distant and smaller than usual, even through the static of the battered cellphone.

Lovino suddenly felt a lump swell in his throat, a massive wave of emotion welling inside him that he had honestly not expected at all. It rendered him speechless as his clammy fingers gripped at the plastic case of his phone.

"Lovino…are you there? Lovi. P-please talk to me, are you okay?" Her voice was weak and broken.

Lovino swallowed thickly.

"I'm here," he choked, trying to keep his voice void of emotion.

"Antonio...he, I know you're safe there. Lovino…I'm so s-sorry. I never- I couldn't-" Lovino felt the lump in his throat swell ever-larger as he heard his mother cry—short choked sobs—a sound that he had only ever heard once or twice in his life.

He did not reply.

"I'm divorcing your father," she continued, once she had recomposed herself. "I…I wasn't raised to believe that….that….but it doesn't matter. You're my son, and I love you. Feliciano and I moved out, Lovi. We're living with my parents. If you…If you want to come back, to stay with us…"

Lovino covered his mouth, hot tears now rolling freely down his cheeks.

"I'm so sorry. I never wanted you to get hurt. I love you so much."

"I love you too mom!" Lovino finally managed, his voice cracking as more tears flowed from his eyes. "I love you….but I need to stay with Antonio for now. I'm going to school, so don't worry…and…and I know you didn't want to hurt me. But I need to be somewhere where I'm accepted."

Lovino finally stopped crying, his face sobering as he considered his own words. He did love his mother. And it was nice to know she still cared about him. But he was where he needed to be.

After talking to her for another ten or so minutes, assuring her he'd call frequently, that he had enough clothes, that he was going to school, and that he was being well-fed, he hung up, and stood up, breathing in deeply.

As trite as he knew it sounded in his own head, he felt somehow…lightened. After 17 years of shit; of hiding, lying, and hurting, he was finally in a position where he had no one to answer to, and where no one was trying to hurt him. He walked slowly back into the living room, hoping his face wasn't too swollen from crying. Antonio was still sitting on the floor, but the TV was off and he was facing the doorway from which Lovino emerged, a patient and understanding but cautious look on his face.

"I um..." Antonio started, wringing his hands. "I wasn't eavesdropping, I just…um, your mom….are you okay?"

A crooked, more mature smile crossed Lovino's cheekbones and he crossed the floor, standing over Antonio and lightly holding his face. He leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips, still smiling as he pulled back, gazing warmly into his best friend's inquisitive, bottle-green eyes.

"Everything…is okay."

* * *

**ohmygosh u guise**

**I don't know what to say, tumblr ate my life**

**sorry it took so long, but it's finally done! Also I never made the video because I felt like not that many people were interested and I was busy at the time but if you guys still want it let me know! I love you all and seriously the reviews were what kept me going till the end! I'm so honored for the communities I've been featured in and all the love this fic has gotten. Seriously, you give me hope. (:**

**I will answer any and all questions and comments now!**

**love you ALL!**


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